What does it look like to be in relationship and stay in alignment with yourself? I used to go into relationships without looking at a few key points that might play a part in the relationship working. I think that for the most part people go into relationship because they have an outer attraction to someone or an need to not be alone. This doesn’t necessarily mean that all people do this but I would say a fair amount.
I think it’s hard to go into a partnership with someone if we do not know ourselves well and at least have a fair amount of love for ourselves. If we don’t love ourselves totally at least we know the areas where we don’t and we are working on them.
Through my own experiences with men I have noticed that my lack of knowledge and love for myself has always put me into a relationship that does not serve me. Usually what I am lacking in myself they will also be lacking as well.
So the question is can I live in alignment with a partner if I’m out of alignment with myself? The way I see this is if I am aware of where I am out of alignment and I am actively working on those areas and my partner is also aware and actively working on them, we may be able to have a relationship that is in alignment. Alignment doesn’t mean that we’ve arrived, that we are enlightened. For me being aligned is simply moving forward in my personal growth and only being in partnership with those who are doing the same.
I went on a date with this man that was telling me that instead of processing through my woundedness to heal maybe I could just be love and light. Here is where the being out of alignment comes in. For me I need to observe areas where I am triggered and have an understanding of them before I can move into love and compassion for others or myself. For me it’s not as simple as “Oh, I’ll just be love and light.” So if I were to be in relationship with this man that thought this way, he might be trying to move me into love and light before I was ready. It’s simply just a difference in the way we process. No wrong no right just different.
This is why my couple’s retreat is so powerful. By both people coming in and learning about themselves and each other you can get on the same page. So many times I have seen women that are on completely different page than their partners, most of time it’s a different book.