Blame means to hold someone responsible for some perceived error or faults, whether the error fault is real or not.
A lot of times when your daughter is blaming you it’s misplaced anger that isn’t even about you but you seem to be a safer target. When your daughter was a teen she wasn’t really able to process her emotions and therefore it was easier for her to blame you for everything; how her life is feeling to her. Unfortunately, if she is feeling crummy about her life she may blame you but if her life is going well I’m not sure you’ll get the credit.
Teens have yet to develop their ability to reason and so unfortunately, they will falsely assign blame and it usually lands on the mother. When she says she hates you it’s because she’s angry and holding you responsible for her unhappiness, even though you have done nothing wrong. If she is feeling angry, negative or resentful she will possibly blame you for everything she is not able to cope with. Once she is ready to take ownership for her issues, the blaming will stop.
As a human being there is no possible way to be the perfect parent. At some point in a child’s life when they become emotionally mature adults, they need to see through the errors of your parenting and heal their wounds and stop blaming you. If this blame continues for a long period of time, it will eventually erode the relationship and make it harder to come back to a more loving space with each other.
It’s so important to have an understanding for our process of growth through our triggers because of how people show up for us. If you are always expecting people on the outside to show up a certain way to make it feel good, 50% of the time you will be disappointed.
In my work through the mother-daughter retreats whether it be teens or adults is all about taking full ownership of your own emotions and using those emotions to heal. It is through the process of healing our own wounds that we find peace with ourselves and others. The first place this will shift is the mother daughter relationship.
The earlier you can work through this dynamic the better it is for your daughter, because she will learn how to love herself through your relationship instead of dumping the blame and anger on you. Well working on your relationship in the mother daughter retreat the biggest shift is the love you find for yourself. Once we find this love for ourselves it organically shows up on the outside with others and the first to feel that shift is definitely the mother.
If you would like to explore a mother-daughter retreat no matter what age your daughter is, schedule a free consult here Scheduler Free Consult and let’s talk about if it’s right for you!
Mother Daughter Retreat Testimonial
“This retreat was definitely different than anything I’ve experienced before. The spiritual aspect of this retreat was really outstanding. It is hard to settle into the retreat because it throws a lot at you really fast, but I don’t have any regrets! I learned more in two days with Debra than I have with any therapist in weeks.”
~ Nicole, Daughter
“I wasn’t sure what to expect. I learned there is continued healing to be done inside myself – wounds that have been a barrier to a loving relationship with my daughter. I’m humbled by the opportunity to explore where I needed healing, so that I can restore the relationship with my daughter. This has been a deep journey inward and a cathartic experience. Thank you!”
~ Jane, Mother