How can we show up in the world and create an open, loving environment with the ones we love?
If we are living in our fears, aka our little girl, it will be impossible for us to hold space or show up for others. If we are in fear, our little girl needs to” fix” the situation to make herself feel better. If we are trying to fix someone, we won’t be able to hear what they are saying or have empathy for what they are going through.
Others will feel the energy of being “fixed” and will defend their position because they will think they did something wrong. Instead of having the space to figure things out, they will be defending their position. Through spiritual renewal we can start to heal and show up for others.
If we can’t show up for someone from our higher self, it’s best to not show up at all.
When we come into a situation with someone through our fears, we actually add more fuel to the fire. Instead of us helping with their issue, they will be dealing with having to defend against your judgments. It can get really messy for the person trying to process their own stuff. They will start to feel like they did something wrong and maybe start to beat themselves up. It will totally take them away from getting to their original issue.
It’s so important to know what situations trigger us and put us into that fear place. For example, when I go to visit my daughters, I know that I will get triggered. I have learned to bring my awareness into each minute I am there so that I can be aware when I am in a fearful place and be mindful not to project. Sometimes that’s not so easy.
I have clients that have told me that once they stop projecting their fears onto their kids situations that their kids organically started to open up to them and started sharing more than they ever did. Here is an example.
Letting Our Fears Come In:
A daughter is talking to her mom about the college she wants to go to. It is different from the college her mom wants her to go to. When the daughter expresses herself, the mom says, “If you go to that college, you won’t get a good job and it will effect your career.”
Holding Space:
Imagine the same situation but this time the mom says, “I hear that going to this college is important to you. What is it about this school that you like so much? I’m interested to learn more about this school.”
The first scenario is the mother’s projection of her own fear that her daughter won’t end up with a good job and shuts her daughter down. How can the mother know this for certain? The second scenario invites the daughter to share with her mother and opens her up to exploring her own decisions, creating a deeper relationship between them.
Really start paying attention to the way you communicate with your family and friends. Notice if you are holding space for them or allowing your fears into the interaction.
