When we look at the question of, what is a healthy relationship, it may differ from person to person although most of us will have the same core list of non-negotiables. So maybe this is where we should start.
What are your non-negotiable items on your list for being in a relationship?
- Must have integrity. That means no lying. What if your partner doesn’t know they are lying? If someone isn’t being honest with themselves, they can’ be honest with you. So, this leads me to the next item.
- Must be doing psychological work. This enables them to know themselves and know when they are lying to themselves and therefore know when they are lying to you.
- Knows there is something bigger them themselves. They need to have their Ego or Inner child under wraps. This requires doing psychological work.
- Must be compassionate, kind, and loving. This also takes doing their psychological work. If they aren’t, they will judge and beat themselves up, and therefore judge and beat you up. Ouch, that’s not loving!
- Must have a spiritual practice. A spiritual practice combined with a psychological practice is key. Meditation, etc. without doing the inner child work will not help them learn how to not react to their triggers.
- Needs to be physically, financially and emotionally responsible. Again, I hate to be redundant but if they are stuck in one of these areas and they not doing their psychological work, then they may always be stuck in that area.
Are you getting the picture? If you’re not doing your psychological work, you won’t be able to be in a healthy relationship. If one of you is and the other isn’t, it will be impossible to have a healthy relationship. Why, you ask? Because the person not doing their work will project, blame, or won’t own their issues or wounding. This is where a spiritual retreat is critical.
A more direct list might look like this:
- Respectful
- Integrity
- Loyal
- Passionate about life
- Caring
- Forgiving
- Dependable
- Generous
- Patient
- Non-Judgmental
- Affectionate
- Authentic
- Expresses feelings
This is a list of what might be non-negotiable. If you look at this list, you will realize that if someone isn’t doing their psychological work, these will be hard to achieve. So, the message here is do your psychological work so you can have a healthy relationship with your partner, your kids, parents, friends and co-workers.
