There are many myths concerning relationships. Being in partnership isn’t easy and most of us would benefit from some added help in this area.
Myth #1. Never go to bed angry.
Personally, I think this is based on fear. If we go to bed in a fight, what if one of us dies? A better solution might be to postpone the argument until the next day, kiss, say I love you and go to sleep. When you are in a better place to process together, continue your discussion.
Myth #2. Your partner must be your soul mate.
What if you can have several soul mates in your life? Is there just one? I think women in our society have been trained to believe that we are princesses and our knight in shining armor will come and we will live happily ever after. However, this is not necessarily the case. My best girlfriend feels like a soul mate to me. She knows me, she gets me, she busts me when I’m not being authentic, and we process together. Does that mean that no one else can be a soul mate for me? I found this definition of soul mate that I really like. A soul mate is:
“Someone who is aligned with your soul and is sent to challenge, awaken and stir different parts of you in order for your soul to transcend to a higher level of consciousness and awareness. Once the lesson has been learned, physical separation usually occurs.”
Interesting! I have always believed that there are some people that come into your life for your learning and that they may only be there for a while.
Myth #3. If you get married, you must stay married until death do you part.
Wow, that’s heavy. What if your partner is abusive? What if he/she is simply not doing his/her own work and projecting onto you with punishing and snappy behaviors and won’t admit it? There are a few reasons I wouldn’t stay in a relationship, that being one. Most of the people I know in relationships are staying together out of fear, not love.
Myth #4. A good relationship is easy.
I believe that when any two people come together, their woundedness is going to surface at some point. This presents an opportunity for healing. When we are triggered, there is nothing that screams easy about it. It’s challenging to process your triggers and then be vulnerable with your partner. This is where a couple’s retreat is helpful.
Myth #5. Your partner should know what you need and what you are feeling.
I don’t even know what I need or what I’m feeling sometimes. How is my partner going to know? Is he/she psychic? This is such a trap that partners place on each other. It’s your responsibility to tell people what you need and to express your feelings with them. This is what adults should do.
Myth #6. You should be able to stay in the romance phase forever.
This would be exhausting. First of all, I don’t think it’s possible for the dopamine to sustain itself that long. And if it did, it could do damage to your body. Secondly, a healthy relationship goes through three stages. The first is romance, the second is conflict, and the third, after successfully processing the conflict, is resolution.
Myth #7. Relationships between opposites are more successful.
Initially, you might get a charge out of someone being really different from you, but having things in common and having similar beliefs and outlooks on life generally makes a better relationship. If you are too different, you may start doing things apart. This could do more damage than good.
Myth #8. Sex dwindles after you get married.
In a connected relationship, your intimacy grows and so does your sexual desire for each other. If sex fades, it is usually because a couple is not resolving issues and resentment sets in.
These are just a few of the myths regarding relationships that I found interesting. I am a total believer that if both partners are successful in their personal growth, their relationship with each other will also continue to grow .
