Do you sometimes feel like a hamster on a wheel when it comes to communicating with your Partner? Coming to a couples retreat in Sedona might be right for you!
How do you create intimacy in a relationship where two people are very different in their approach to communication? Men and women naturally tend to relate differently. Women are more emotionally biased while men are more practical and apt to be a problem fixer. When issues arise in a relationship, a women’s emotions might be in play more. Talking about her feelings will generally help her feel better. Men lean towards finding a solution and solving the problem.
If both parties can move towards the middle with the intention of trying to understand how the other person is viewing the situation, an equally acceptable resolution could be much more likely. Although talking about problems may make many women feel better, this places the responsibility of her feelings on her partner. Sometimes this can take hours and maybe days! It’s not your partners job to make you feel better. It’s your job to listen to your Ego and discover the source of your suffering. Understanding that the answer lies within you and not your partner could help free you from many long and unproductive discussions.
Men’s desire to handle the problem in a practical, problem solving, non-emotional manner may leave the woman feeling unheard or misunderstood. You can see where the issues are with these totally different ways of communicating.
We should first do our own work to understand what triggers us, what our Ego says about it, and how we aren’t going to buy into what our Ego views as truth. Then go to your partner with a better understanding of yourself and the part your Ego plays in your triggers. Your partner will be more likely to listen, more able to see his part and maybe more willing to do work around that.
If you put the issue on him, he may think he did something wrong and go into fix-it mode or he may simply deny his part. Just own your part, do your work around it and then go to your partner with your process. Don’t go to your partner thinking they will make you feel better. This is a trap for you and a trap for him. If you are truly doing your work here and you really want to become self actualized, you have to stop projecting and start owning. Then and only then will you and your partner be able to come together and grow.
