First, I want to say Happy Holidays to all of you and honor all the work you’ve put in to be the best version of yourself that you can be. I feel so lucky to do this work and connect with so many warriors on the path of healing, like myself. The holidays are a time to practice being in a space of love and not fear. It can be such a joyous time and it can also be a time of conflict among family members.
This year I will be staying in Sedona with my youngest daughter, 44 years old and her 2 chiweenie’s (2 of my 3 grandkids.) We normally go to Oregon to see my oldest daughter and my grandson or they come here. But this year we are not connecting.
During the holidays the tension is definitely higher and here are a few tips on how to be around family members and stay alive. Families are where we get triggered the most and take things personally. I always hear from clients “If she wasn’t my sister, or my mother, etc. I wouldn’t be in relationship with her.” It’s tough to avoid your mother, husband or kids.
Our family is our biggest teacher. It lets us know exactly where we are in our personal development and our limits to love. I always know where I am in my process the first day of my vacation with my kids. I am usually on top of my limiting beliefs in general but boy do they get magnified around my kids.
In a family where everyone is doing their personal work and no one is projecting, you might not have to worry about triggers. Sorry, I had a little giggle because I have never seen such a thing. Mostly what I see and experience is that we are all human, doing the best we can and trying to get out of our family dynamics alive.
How about shifting the getting out alive to learning from the dynamics for our higher good? First and foremost, don’t take things they do personally, including their opinions or judgments. Let them have their opinions, even if it’s about you. Something simple you can say is “That’s interesting.” Don’t get sucked into the “you gotta win game.” Let them think and be who they are. Love them for who they are.
If you are experiencing anxiety, depression or severe physical symptoms this lets you know that you are taking it way too personally and believing their behavior is actually about you, when it’s not.
Family time is a chance to set boundaries and make sure you are taking care of your self. Easier said than done, when in the heat of triggers on steroids.
Simple tips to staying calm around family:
- Their behavior isn’t about you
- Don’t engage in trying to win conversations, just say “That’s interesting”
- This is an opportunity to grow
- They are doing the best they can
- Love them for who they are (even if they’re crazy)
- Take care of yourself while around them
- Stay sober
Enjoy your holiday season and learn to love passed your limits!