Having reactive people in your life, can be exhausting!
I have had my fair share of reactive people in my life and what I notice is that I have less energy for the positive things going on with me. I have said this before but I feel the need to repeat it. When you don’t know yourself at a core level, the wounded child issues and all, you will act out of them as an adult.
When we know our wounds and begin healing them, then and only then can we stop reacting out of them. People that don’t know themselves at this level, get triggered often and then are more likely to project their feelings onto you. When they get triggered and come to you with their trigger with blame, expecting you to make them feel better, it is an impossible place for you to be. No matter what you do or say in that situation, it isn’t going to make them feel better because it isn’t about you making them feel better, it’s about them healing that inner child themselves.””
“I will move through the fire with you but I won’t sit in it with you”
When people get triggered, project and don’t own their feelings, it can feel like you’re in their fire. This is very hard to be with. When they move through their own triggers (or fires) we can be with them through their process because they are moving through it.
When you am triggered, the only reason you would want to take it to the other person is to share your knowledge around your trigger and your growth. When you do this with people, they don’t feel blamed for your feelings and they are able to see their behavior more clearly and if it’s not a total projection, work on their behaviors.
One of my triggers is being snapped at. When someone else is triggered and instead of owning their trigger they snapped at me. So I may go to the person and express why that triggers me and how I’m learning how not to take it personally or I may just keep it to myself and work with my little girls feelings around this.
This situation actually happened to me recently and when I took it to a friend expressing my work around not taking it personally, she said, “Well, that’s great that you’re learning not to take it personally, but that’s not how I want to behave and show up in our relationship.” Because we are able to deal with our triggers consciously it actually brings us closer.
When you’re in a relationship with someone that has blind spots around not owning their own emotions, there is never any resolve. You have to learn how to avoid their projections and then keep everything inside. This takes a lot of energy, energy you could be using in a more positive way. It doesn’t allow the relationship to grow and evolve, allowing the love to go to a deeper level.
I look at these issues quite a lot with adult mother daughter retreats, where one or both of the parties are completely projecting onto each other. It’s important for both people in the relationship to look at their own wounding and know it inside and out so they don’t projected onto the other.
In all of my retreats, whether it be, the individual intensive, mother-daughter, or the couples retreat you will learn how to recognize your inner child, love yourself, shift these old beliefs and show up differently in the world.
If you are interested in an Adult Mother Daughter Retreat to look at the things that aren’t working in your life and shift them, check out my retreats. Click HERE to schedule your free consult. Or call me at 928-300-0447.
Also check out what clients are saying about me in their Testimonials!
“As soon as we began I knew this was the direction I was wanting to go I felt Debra was spot on with where the feelings are coming from and truly gifted me with the tools to care for those feelings. She did such a great job at turning an ugly/hurt filled situation into a meaningful, purposeful, beautiful experience. I love the way I see and feel about myself, my mom and our relationship… Not only with each other, but with every body else in life. I can’t thank you enough, Debra. You are such a gift! I feel blessed to share in this experience.
-With love, Jennifer (Daughter)
Debra, thank you so much for helping me to connect with my daughter and myself. I’m very glad that I chose you in this reconnecting process!”
-Sincerely, Julia (Mom)