Are we responsible for others? Or are we responsible for ourself?
Let’s talk about the responsibility that our ego mind has us acting out of and how it affects our life. I have done a fair amount of research by talking to mental health practitioners, doctors, psychotherapists, and read many books on this subject. This is one of the main topics in my personal retreat.
With my clients we look at their wounds and the old beliefs that stem from those wounds. Probably 98% of the people I have worked with have an old belief that they are responsible for others and everything. If our ego minds believe that we are responsible for everything and others, how do you think we will show up in other people’s lives? Usually when people have the old belief of a responsible for everyone and everything, it is coupled with the old belief of I’m not in control of my life. So when a difficult time in their life arises that’s being caused by another person’s behavior, if you are not aware of what your ego is saying you will try to fix the situation.
The problem is that we can’t fix anybody and that it isn’t our responsibility it the first place. I see this happening when clients come from a family with addiction. My client will have the need to control the situation to make them selves feel better which means they will try to fix the other person.
So the question, how responsible are we for others? The answer is always NOT AT ALL! The real question is, is the person acting in a way that is responsible for them selves? should be based on if the other person is acting responsible for themselves? If the person we are trying to help isn’t helping himself or herself and we are working harder at their recovery than them, it’s time to let go. It’s important to turn your attention toward yourself, not them.
I am personally going to a situation in my life where my ego wants me to take responsibility for someone else’s life. This is been one of the hardest learning I have ever experienced. I have been battling my ego mind for quite bit. I have not been acting out of my ego mind but it certainly has been talking loudly.
I got the opportunity to talk with this amazing poet and she asked if she could recite a poem for me. This poem had such an impact on my conversation with my ego. I hope it helps anyone that is in a situation with a loved one that is activating the old belief that you are responsible for everyone or I need to control to be safe.
Madness Speaks From A Hole
If I fall into a deep hole, leave me until I succumb. Lowering the rope on which I can climb out, would only save an unready soul. You say, that’s heartless, uncaring. And I say… Nay. In time may run out before I turn around.
Before you dear face me, fortify yourself with the knowledge of who you are before telling me who I am.
My goal is to wedge the wound inside you more hurtful than a tanto that gores me. To test the bonds of loyalty, even if it’s my life I lay down.
Don’t waste effort battling addiction, thinking you can wrestle the life out of it, freeing me. We both know that doesn’t work. His purpose is distraction, employing deception. Proliferates confusion with no intention to release its parasitic grip.
I am smart, very smart. Systematic and ways of getting what I want. Clever enough to make you think I care about you. Don’t want to burden you, I’ll say. When your back is turned, will still whatever grows a buck for another fix I know waits down the street within the next block.
Later, I will accuse you of being selfish, for not caring. It’s only a dime I’m asking for, I’ll say, though this is just the beginning. You won’t recognize yourself after time spent with me. So eloquent the addiction to persuade. And so week MRI, sequestered, that I allow it to speak through me with a rueful smile on my face, convincing you, I have no better friend. All the rest have given up. You’re the only one left. What a liar I am.
When you do offer sustenance because you see my body wasting away in your conscious gives you no rest, I will question your motive. Suspect it will come with the hook. Do this, don’t do that. I will drink for shallow rebound, just enough to keep me afloat till I find nearest hole to drop into, pull you along. Cajole all the way down fathomless shaft, carrying out your fate, be it worse or better than mine.
Whether you assist or decline, I will take you down. Two ends of the same spiral, you and I. A slinky toy going down the stairwell. Off the edge I go, over the top of me you come. Landing on the lower level, you flip me to fall to greater depth. How many times can we do this and call it fun?
Don’t try to direct my life. I’m tired of hearing words of exasperation… How can I help you when you won’t let me help you! It’s my choice, don’t you see. My choice no one can make for me.
I want you to say, I hate you. Services victory, makes you the bad guy. You turn to where suit of clothes I have worn thin with holes.
When you process by saying, I care about, though all feeling his dispersed, only resolve pushing words fourth, I will since human weekend, ready to give up. Yet I will know it took all the strength lifting you to get those words out… That love gave them the lash up.
This grand effort from you, affects me but I hide that. As well as the truth that love can never be persuaded to add I know this. Some part of me knows this. It is this knowing that drives desire to free the slip, I persistently deny. Desire that rattles the bars of the cage in which I have love imprisoned.
What you say does not matter. I hate you, I love you. Alone, the words mean nothing. It is emotional nuance I lean in close to glean, searching for clarity of love’s calling. to hear the slightest ding that it’s alive with in you for me. For if I can sense loving you, then there is hope it lives inside me.
If you must walk away, then do so. I will feel the strength in this. Though my words accuse you of desertion, they merely mimic your own cries of self accusal that you have failed.
It is now, after you turned your back to my demon that I whisper, unheard by you… Continue to love. Not just me. Most of all, yourself. For that is what I’m lacking, how to love myself. Show me how this is done. How does one level and self, unconditionally?
–Flight talks… Pillow walks by Jaye B Whyles
