Do you shoot Arrows at Your Partner? Learn how not to in a couple’s retreat. 
Blaming our partners for how we feel leaves us without power. We give up our power when we say things like, “You did this to me.” When we put the blame on others, we give them control of how we feel. We cannot change how we feel because to feel better, we need them to change. This is a very powerless place to be.
Blaming leaves us in “victimhood” and victimhood leaves us powerless!
It’s the same thing with judging others. Judging, blaming or making someone else wrong is like shooting arrows at someone else. The problem is, the arrow always comes back to us and does harm. Anytime we throw anger, resentment, or judgment onto someone else, we are actually throwing in onto ourselves. Because we are all One, anytime we do harm to others, we do harm to ourselves.
It’s so important to observe our behavior when we are triggered. Our triggers are a personal barometer that shows us exactly where we need healing. If we react from that place of being triggered, we miss the opportunity for growth and healing and we do more damage to others and ourselves.
Our partners or family members are our best teachers because they are the ones who trigger us most, right? So whenever you are around them, observe how you want to react to these triggers. But keep your heart open so you can stay in a place of love/higher self, not your lower self.
One nice thing about our partnerships is that we can get a lot of practice living in our higher self. If you act out of the lower self, just clean up your mess and keep doing your best everyday. Remember, we are human, so don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, realize why you acted from the lower self and apologize. It’s the defensive behavior that keeps us in the drama and prevents healing of old wounding.
Things you can do to act out of your higher self instead of being trapped in your lower self:
- If you’re triggered, pause.
- Bring awareness to your behavior.
- No matter how you feel, don’t act it out.
- Do a morning and evening meditation to see things differently.
- Set up alarms on your phone to remind you to stay in the present.
- Clean up your mess when and if you do act out of your lower self.
- Find a spiritual teacher to help you identify your needs for improvement.
