Are you a good communicator?
Can you always convey what you mean?
Do you try to listen to your partner without thinking about your response?
Do you fear speaking your truth?
If you have listened to people communicate, you will notice that their communication may sound a bit off. They may think they are expressing themselves clearly, but this is seldom the case.
Going deeper into our needs, we notice that our communication at it’s surface, does not address our real needs. Here is an example of what I mean.
You have planned an evening out with your partner and you both just got home from work. You ask your partner, “Do you need to take a shower?” Your partner says yes, and goes into the bathroom. Your body is feeling a bit uneasy because you haven’t eaten since lunch, your blood levels drop a bit making you feel sick. Do you think your partner knows all this? Not at all. He thinks you just wanted to know if he was going to take a shower. Here is a better way to communicate your needs: “I was wondering how long it is going to take you to get ready because I may need to eat a small snack before we go, so that I don’t get a blood sugar crash and feel crummy. I’m really looking forward to our evening together and it would disappoint me to feel bad.”
This way you communicate your needs correctly. This is something we do all the time. Our partners cannot read our minds to know our concerns and needs unless we express them clearly. To do this we need to know within ourselves what our concerns are.
The key take home points are:
- Think before you speak.
- Think about what your needs are.
- Ask yourself what the clearest way to express them would be.
- Then communicate them as clearly as possible.
Most arguments begin because of clarity in communication. My clients will often complain that their partner says, “I’m not a mind reader.” So, help your partner understand you and show up for you by communicating clearly.
