What Does Non-attachment Look Like for a Mother?

Do you practice non-attachment with your adult daughter?

The toughest challenges, as a mother is to allow our kids to be who they are. Looking at our attachments around what we want our kids to be is extremely confusing. Part of successful parenting depends on our love and guidance for children; unfortunately this is done mostly with an attachment to the outcome. So how do we love our children and guide our children while letting go of our expectation of how they need to be.

How do we love and guide them and let go at appropriate times, while practicing nonattachment. As our children grow up and become independent our attachment to them and how they live can feel smothering, which pushes them away. I see this all the time when working with mothers and daughters in retreat. It doesn’t matter if the daughter is 15 or the daughter is 40, it seems to be an issue.

True love requires us to guide our children and let go and let them live their lives, knowing that they will make mistakes and it is for their own learning. One of the biggest complaints in my mother-daughter retreats is the daughter at 40 years old, saying that the mother is still treating her like a child and criticizing her life choices.

The mother appears to be confused because she wants to be close to her daughter and can’t figure out a way. The work I do with the mother is letting go of her attachment to believing that she knows what’s best for her daughter. This scenario leads to the daughter feeling like she isn’t good enough and doesn’t know better for herself.

Even though we give birth to our children, they are their own person and at some stage of their life, usually when they become adults we have to turn their life over to them. If we don’t turn the keys over to them, they will make their own set and sever their ties with you. When your children become adults it’s important to start treating them as a peer who may or may not want your advice or input. If they want your input, they will seek it. Unfortunately, if you are trying to run their life for them they will not seek your advice.

If you would like to explore your relationship with your mother or daughter, check out my retreats. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.