Is changing your partner your job?
How many times do we enter into a relationship with the idea that we are going to change the behavior or fix the person we are with? I don’t believe we do it consciously, most of the time we do it unconsciously. When we go into relationship, we have this idea of what we want and then we proceed to try to fit them into our ideal.
This is a frustrating experience because people want to be who they are. People don’t want to be molded into something they aren’t, that somebody someone thinks is better. Who are we to judge how someone else should be? If someone doesn’t ask for our opinion or guidance, then what right do we have to give them direction on their life.
If we want to create an authentic relationship with people, we have to except them the way they are. If we have expectations of whom they should be and that person doesn’t meet those expectations we will be disappointed. An honest relationship is when we accept each other as the individuals that we are and find a way to share our life together.
When we try to change someone we are saying that we don’t accept them for who they are, that something is wrong with them. How do you think that might feel to your partner? When we accept people the way they are, things we like about them and things we don’t like about them, energetically the relationship feels lighter, and more loving pray.
Don’t let your fear ruin a relationship!
Something that I notice is when we accept people the way they are they have a tendency to be better equipped to look at their shadow side instead of defending it.
I find that people who are trying to change their partners do it because they’re afraid they won’t be able to stay in the relationship the way it is. So instead of picking the right partner or accepting the partner they have, they try to change them.
I believe that if something is bothering you about another person it’s an opportunity to go inside yourself and explore your triggers instead of projecting them outward. This is something we explore intensely in my couples retreat. Realizing part of your work is looking at your judgments and your shadow side.
