Parenting doesn’t end when our children grow up—it simply changes form. The family dynamics evolve. Yet emotional patterns often linger. When we haven’t healed the old beliefs and fears within ourselves, they can continue to show up in our relationships with our adult children.
At Sedona Soul Retrieval, I often see families struggle. Old patterns of control, judgment, or emotional reactivity haven’t yet been released. And one of the most damaging patterns is when parents get pulled into toxic dynamics—such as talking to one adult child about another or trying to fix conflicts that aren’t theirs to fix.
The Ripple Effect of Unhealed Reactions
When we react from old wounds — whether that’s frustration, fear, or guilt — we’re not responding from love. We’re reacting from our inner child’s pain. That energy doesn’t just affect us; it affects everyone in the family.
When two parents are triggered by each other, that energy magnifies. When those reactions spill over to your adult children, they feel it in their bodies, just as they did when they were young. The nervous system remembers. According to Cleveland Clinic, “Your nervous system plays a role in everything you do. The three main parts of your nervous system are your brain, spinal cord and nerves. It helps you move, think and feel. It even regulates the things you do but don’t think about like digestion.”
The only way to shift this pattern is by learning to manage your own energy — guiding your nervous system from fear to love. The more you do your inner work, the more peace you bring into every relationship, including with your grown children.
Breaking Toxic Communication Cycles
One of the most common ways toxicity shows up in families is through triangulation — talking to one adult child about another. Even if it feels harmless or you’re “just venting,” this behavior creates division, resentment, and mistrust.
Practices for Healing and Regulating Together
- Get on the same page with your partner. If you and your spouse (or co-parent) react differently to your children, it sends mixed energy into the family system. Work together on staying calm and consistent.
- Regulate your nervous system first. Pause before responding. Take a walk, breathe deeply, or journal about what’s really being triggered inside of you.
- Commit to doing your inner work. The more you work with your inner child, the more you can stay grounded and non-reactive, even when your adult children are struggling.
- Refuse to engage in gossip or triangulation. Instead, encourage direct communication and emotional responsibility among all family members.
From Reaction to Conscious Connection
Healing family dynamics as adults isn’t about blame, it’s about awareness. When you stop reacting and start responding from love, you create a ripple of safety and respect that transforms your family energy.
At Sedona Soul Retrieval, my Family Retreats, Couples Retreats and Mother Daughter Retreats and Mentoring sessions are designed to help parents and adult children heal old wounds, communicate more consciously, and find peace within the family system.
When you do your inner work, everyone benefits. Healing yourself is the first step in healing your family.
Warmly, Debra
Testimonial from a Mother Daughter Retreat with two daughters
“Our retreat with Debra was one of the most memorable, impactful times in our lives. The time I spent with my teenage daughters was so special and unique. I learned so much about myself and tools that I can use in my life to help me become the best version of myself. I feel like it was a gift I gave to myself and to my daughters. I am also so grateful that my daughters have recognized and learned about themselves in a profound, deep way. I feel like my daughter’s relationship was so strengthened as well as the three of ours as well!”
~ Leslie, Mother
“This retreat really helped me find my higher mind. I was at first closed off about it but it really helps you focus on yourself and become the best person you can be for yourself. Also Debra is an amazing person who really helps in such a short period of time. This is truly a life-changing experience that I would 100% recommend. This is all coming from a 17-year-old girl.”
~ Samantha, Daughter
“Overall, this retreat was a great experience. It helped me get to know myself and my family members better and helped me come up with solutions to fix problems in the future. I definitely recommend doing this and I had a great time!”
~ Cameron, Daughter
A great tool for all parents with children of any age is my new book-even though it is directed for parents of teens it is a wonderful resource for all parents.
Warmly, Debra
