Aah, the wonderful feeling of the romance phase of a relationship where you love everything about your partner and they can do no wrong. Where you are being the best part of who you are and you feel amazing. It is where we have the most joy and the biggest ability to forgive.
Often couples talk about how it used to be so exciting in the beginning and how their partner has changed. “How do I bring our relationship back into that honeymoon phase?” They call it the honeymoon phase because it is just that, a phase! The definition of phase is: a stage, segment, period, time, or chapter. A phase isn’t meant to be in forever. The endorphins released during the romance phase would not even be healthy to have for an extended period of time.
A relationship needs to go through 3 stages to be healthy; romance, conflict and a real connection and commitment. It’s the conflict stage that most relationships get stuck in. After the romance phase, while we are in the conflict stage, we are wondering how to get back to the romance stage and we don’t have the tools to move out of this stage to be connected on a deeper level. This is where a couple’s retreat can teach you how to move through the conflict stage without doing harm to yourself or your partner.
The romance phase brings us into a relationship so you can start your healing process through the relationship. It’s through the conflict stage that you have the opportunity to work through your old beliefs, your wounding, and heal. This only happens if you have the tools to not project and to own your own woundedness. This is the work I talk about when you are triggered. You have 2 choices when you are triggered with your partner. One, you blame them, try to fix them, and completely keep the trigger about what’s going on out there instead of what is going on inside of you. Two, you can bring it into your learning, knowing it’s not about them, not blame or project onto them and shift your beliefs, therefore moving into a deeper connection with each other.
The connection phase is a much more authentic space to be in with our primary relationship. It is sustainable unlike the romance phase. The intimacy in the connection phase is real unlike the romance phase, which is filled with projections of who you think they are or want them to be. A couple’s retreat can help you acquired the tools you need to move through the conflict phase to come into a more loving place with yourself and your partner which is a healthy way to develop a strong and connected relationship.
