by Debra | Mar 13, 2017
Learn how to speak your truth in a personal retreat.
In this arena of consciousness, I hear some people say they didn’t say something to someone because they didn’t want to hurt their feelings. If we go deeper into this, we might realize that we didn’t speak our truth because of the reaction we might get from the person we are speaking our truth to. Yes of course we don’t want to hurt any ones feelings maliciously and I don’t think that would be most people’s intentions. However there are a few people with very vindictive egos who might want to retaliate.
If you are a fairly conscious being and your intention is not to hurt someone, is withholding your truth to protect them, really for their own good? First of all, you are never responsible for anyone’s hurt feelings even if you are being malicious. If they are feeling upset by something you say, they should go inside themselves and look at what their storyline is and what old belief is active at that moment.
If you feel like you are protecting them from getting hurt, maybe you are robbing them of a learning to heal that old wound. This is how we heal! We heal by getting triggered and if someone is withholding to save us; are they really saving us?
I was having a conversation with someone and they said, “They want to be a blessing in everyone’s life.” I get it, so do I, but not speaking my truth to them isn’t being a blessing in their life, it’s robbing them of an opportunity to grow. It may also be buying into my old belief of being responsible for others or that I can’t speak my truth. I believe if I do what’s for my higher learning it will always be best for the other party. It might not feel like it to them, because they get triggered, but ultimately they have a choice to look at themselves, do their healing or blame and be a victim.
We don’t ever want to get in the way and become an obstacle for some ones healing and our own. Speak you truth, if this triggers them, that’s great because they have an opportunity to go deep inside and really look at what their ego mind is saying. When we say we want to be a blessing in people’s life, this is how we do it. We are authentic and speak our truth and if they get triggered, it’s their responsibility to go inside and heal.
Protecting someone from getting hurt isn’t really protecting, is it? Maybe it’s you that needs the healing to know that how they react, isn’t about you at all!
by Debra | Mar 6, 2017
How to shift your perspective in life in a personal or couples retreat to lead a more joyous life.
Have you noticed that certain people move through their life with joy and ease, while others seem to be always wrapped up in the drama of what life can be? People that are more joyous and content with their life don’t necessarily have more abundance, love, or success. They just have the ability to be grateful for what they do have and they do not dwell on what they don’t have.
Our realities are very individual and come from completely different experiences from our childhood. Suffering and despair come from what’s going on inside of us not what’s going on outside of us. So if we are moving through our day without joy or being content, it is because we are buying into a story from our childhood. If we have the ability to get out of our story and look in the present moment and turn our attention to what is good, this changes our reality in a moment.
If you look at the world that we are living in, it appears to be unpredictable and filled with highs and lows. This is life! If we expect life to only be highs and no lows, we will find ourselves suffering most of the time. If we can somehow just realize that both grand moments and moments of desperation are impermanent we will be able to move through life with less suffering.
It’s important to observe life with a conscious eye, realizing that the struggles you are having in this moment are for your higher learning to help you see just how impermanent everything truly is.
It is also important to not view things as good and bad so you can appreciate the amazing insights showing up for you in every moment in your life. When we choose to love life just as life is with all of its ups and downs, the hardships will not take away our joy. So no matter what is going on in your life you can be joyous! And when you are joyous this is what you will put out into the world. So pay attention to how you are viewing each situation and see how you might be able to see it through a different lens.
by Debra | Feb 27, 2017
Find out why things happen in your life through a personal retreat.
It is easy for us to become overwhelmed with the complexity and challenges of our life. When things are not going our way and seem to be reeling out of control, we may become anxious, angry, or shut down. Looking at just the situation and not looking at why the situation is being presented to us for our higher learning, could cause a disruption in our being.
Is it possible to stay in alignment, to stay calm and be at peace through challenging situations? I believe we can if we shift our awareness to why this might be happening for our growth and not get caught up in the drama of the situation.
I was talking with a client the other day and she was feeling very overwhelmed with her son being caught up in his drama as well as her situation of her parents having to go into a nursing home. She was totally having a meltdown and bothered by the fact that her son couldn’t step out of his drama and behave differently, while she was having to deal with her parents.
I explained to her that the way she was reacting to her situation was similar to the way her son was acting around his situation, they both were full of drama. Her son had said that he didn’t feel like she was available to him because of her having to deal with her parents. We talked about that putting her parents into a nursing home was just part of life.
The reason she was getting triggered about this situation was because her ego was in story about how she was going to be all alone. If she could see that the situation with both her parents and her son was an opportunity to realize that life is full of ups and downs, she would not have to be up and down in her emotions to deal with it. For a fact, when she is emotionally up and down it’s harder to deal with the issues at hand. The opportunity that she had was to learn that her ego was talking to her again about her aloneness and for her not to listen to that voice so that she could show up for her son and her parents in a more present way.
If we keep our eyes open to the learning that life has to offer, we will respond to the situations in a much more present and calm way. The universe wants to co-create with us for our higher learning therefore will put situations in our path to help us grow. When we put our attention on the situation instead of the learning, we miss huge opportunities for growth.
by Debra | Feb 20, 2017
The reason we go into partnership is to go deeper into our self. Have you noticed how just being with your significant other brings up all your wounds? It is really important to choose your partner consciously because an unconscious relationship could possibly do more harm than good.
Something that I have learned through my relationships is that I don’t want to be in partnership with someone not doing their psypho-spiritual work and projecting their unhealed wounding on me. If someone doesn’t understand that triggers come from their unhealed wounded self, they will blame their partner for making them feel badly.
If we rush into relationships out of an unhealed part in us, we may find ourselves in a relationship that is very stagnant in one area and repetitive in another. It will be stagnant because you will not be able to create the intimacy you may desire and repetitive because you will be arguing about the same drama constantly.
If both parties are actively engaged in looking at themselves honestly and understand that they are in relationship for mutual healing, there will be no arguing and no drama, just healing and deep intimacy.
Whenever we meet anyone it is an opportunity for mutual healing. This doesn’t necessarily mean that it has long term potential. Figure out what is the most important thing in a relationship for you. Is it common views, compatibility, attraction, money, or spirituality? If you are in a relationship with someone who gets his juice from making a lot of money and he doesn’t have a spiritual practice, will that be okay for you?
For me, it has become extremely important to be in partnership with someone learning and growing from their physical life experiences. These experiences are what help us heal and evolve. It wouldn’t work for me to have a partner that had no interest in their healing or growth.
If it isn’t your desire to be in a spiritual relationship like this, that is okay. Just know what you are looking for in a partner and don’t compromise thinking you will be able to change him into someone that will want to go deeper. Being clear about what we want and not letting our own wounds settle into something that isn’t going to work, will eventually fall apart anyway.
by Debra | Feb 6, 2017
I know that often when setting boundaries I hear my Ego mind telling me what a terrible mother I am, how selfish I am and to just be compassionate and caring like the Buddha. It’s interesting how manipulative my Ego mind can be by bringing in the Buddha that way. Whenever I try to take care of myself and have boundaries, I hear this Ego voice loud and clear.
Even though this voice comes in and tries to persuade me it doesn’t mean I have to listen, agree and then do what it says. This is the tough part because once this voice speaks, the quilt and shame come in heavily.
Lets look at what the voice is saying. “If you don’t do what others want, you are a bad person and you are not being compassionate.” Something that is taught in Buddhism is to have compassion. This isn’t just compassion for others, it’s also compassion for yourself. I believe if you cannot have compassion for yourself, when you act for others in thinking you are being compassionate, it is more like an obligation.
When we act out of obligation under the guise of compassion, anger and resentment will often follow. If we are helping someone through our anger and resentment, the energy it carries is not caring at all. If a situation can’t be a win-win, it will be a lose-lose. Meaning, if I do for someone out of obligation, it’s a loss for me. It may look like a win for them, but because it’s a loss for me, it can’t really be a win for them. The only way it can truly be a win for them is if I’m not losing as well.
If I’m being compassionate to them and not myself, this creates a win-lose, which is really a lose-lose. If I give up a part of myself to make things good for another, I will be listening to my Ego voice, in of itself is a loss because I never want to strengthen this part of myself. It goes against the universal law, which is win-win.
It is particularly difficult for mothers having boundaries with their grown up kids because we are used to sacrificing ourselves for our children and we believe this is what we should be doing.
I love what Kahlil Gibran says about the relationship between parents and children.
On Children
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
-Kahlil Gibran
If you have a tough time having compassion for your self and setting boundaries, more spiritual work on mastering your ego mind is necessary. Through my individual retreats and mentoring you can learn how to care for yourself in a loving way.
by Debra | Jan 29, 2017
It might be easier to talk about what doesn’t cause fear in us, right? The biggest cause of fear is that we think we are separate from each other and source. I hear more than I care to admit from clients, friends and in myself at times, that we feel alone, isolated and separated.
For me when I think of the physical world as real, that’s when things get scary. What would be the point? If getting a better job, bigger house, the perfect boyfriend, etc. was the end all, no thank you! There just has to be more.
So what is the “More”?
The “More” for me is my evolution, for me to grow and be the best version of myself. How do I do that? First, I have to pay attention to my thoughts and actions. If my ego mind is telling me that I am separate, I have to thank it for sharing and say “I’m not buying into that old belief.” And then not take the suggested action, like trying to get away from my feelings of loneliness by medicating.
Another thing we do that cause fear is have expectations. We think things need to work out a certain way for us to be happy and content. When things don’t work out as planned, we are filled with fear and we suffer. Think about all the different expectations you have in your life, actually write down all the things in your life that you want to show up differently. Also write down how you feel when they don’t show up that way.
When we go out in the world and do things to get a certain result and things don’t work out the way we thought, we get very disappointed and fearful. It we are co-creating with the universe maybe our vision isn’t in our best interest and the universe has another plan. If we aren’t aware of our ego’s voice, it will be hard to be guided by the universe. We won’t be able to hear it because the ego is yakking to loudly.
Self-exploration is the only way we can face fear front and center. Look at it, figure out what it is saying and then don’t listen to it, no matter what. Ask Source what it has planned for us, what’s in our higher good. Deciphering our inner voices can be tricky and it usually takes an outside mentor to help you see things clearly. An individual retreat can give you all the tools you need to get the clarity you need to see your higher self and hear Source. When we are able to hear Source we are able to live in a place of Love, not fear and flow with ease and grace.
“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”
― John Lennon
by Debra | Jan 23, 2017
Why is touch is so important?
Touch signals safety and trust and it actually soothes us mentally and physically. If you are in a stressful situation and the person consoling you gently touches you, your body and mental mind will naturally think things are going to be okay.
Touch is so important in so many ways. Here are just a few of the benefits of touch.
- Stronger Immune System- Physical touch decreases disease. Research conducted at Northern Carolina, determined that women who receive more hugs from their partners had lower heart rates and blood pressure. The research also showed that,“hugs strengthened the immune system and calmed the nervous system.”
- Less Aggression- American developmental psychologist, James W. Prescott, claimed that the origins of violence in society were related to the lack of mother-child bonding. The absence of physical touch, bonding and healthy attachment between adult and child may result in lifelong emotional disturbances. In two different studies, The Touch Research Institute found that French children received more touch from parents and their peers and as a result, were less aggressive than their American counterparts.
- Greater Trust- touch activates the brain’s orbitofrontal cortex linked which leads to feelings of compassion, connection and a stronger bond between people. A simple touch can release oxytocin, the love hormone and bring up an emotional response. With a slight touch during a highly aggravated state, we tend to naturally feel at ease and more trusting of the outcome.
- Overall well being- We as humans require touch to thrive. A wave of studies has shown that there are incredible emotional and physical health benefits that come with touch. In the one of the experiments, touch lessened pain, improved pulmonary function, increased growth in infants, lowered blood glucose and improved immune function.
- Infant development- The more infants are touched, the faster they gain weight, and have better mental and motor skills. While touching them on the back of the legs calms babies, a gentle touch on the face, belly and feet excites them. When babies are held, their immune system strengthens.
We are social beings and all want to feel a sense of connection. While most of our connection comes from the conversations we have with one another, touch is a very important factor when bonding with others. When things in life get hectic and touch is minimal between loved ones, we tend to feel less connected.
I have had more than a few conversations with my other single friends and we all agree that the part we miss most about being in relationship is the touch. Some of us may go months without being touched. This is where getting regular massages and petting our animals can really help.
When I was in my thirties, it was more acceptable for my friends to be affectionate with me. The older I got, the less women around me express affection, I could tell that simple touch made women feel a bit uncomfortable. When it comes to men, if I am affectionate with them, they sometimes think that I’m coming on to them. When you have boundaries established with men who are friends, then it is easier for both parties to be affectionate.
I invite you to explore more touch. Be affectionate with people and your pets. You can also be affectionate with yourself. Try to explore different textures and touch sensations, such as letting cool sand run through your fingers or taking a warm relaxing bath. Don’t starve yourself from touch, it is so important to our physical and mental health. Give a hug to someone who needs it today, and you just might find that you needed it too. Explore your own feelings around being or not being touched from an individual retreat or mentoring.
by Debra | Jan 9, 2017
The most important relationship in your life is you. Learn about it in an Individual Retreat.
The most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves. We are the only ones that witnesses our life every step of the way. The relationship we have with ourselves is the most intimate relationship we will ever have. There is not going to be anyone else that will know you as well as you know yourself. So why is it so hard to develop a close relationship with ourselves?
We tend to look outside for happiness. We were trained as children to search for happiness in others and in things. Look how our culture puts romantic relationships before the relationship with self.
Until we really get to know ourselves and love ourselves we can’t possibly create a romantic relationship that aligns with our higher purpose. Until we learn how to be alone and love ourselves as we are, it will be difficult for us to bring in a partner that will support our dreams and desires. Getting to know yourself is the focus of the individual retreats I lead.
In order to develop a relationship with ourselves, we need to spend a fair amount of time alone.
Why is being alone so difficult for some?
I used to have anxiety around being alone. I started looking at where that came from and why it was so difficult for me. It definitely came from my childhood.. When I started looking at my feelings and anxiety around this aloneness, it brought me closer to myself. My discomforts lead me to knowing myself and loving myself. Now, I can say that I actually enjoy the time I spend alone. Every time I do, I get to know myself better and develop a deeper love for who I am.
If we are not connected to ourselves it will be hard for us to bring in a primary partnership that is in alignment with who we are. If we do not know who we are, how will we know someone else? So it is only through self-exploration and self-love that we can be in a partnership that is truly nourishing and loving.
by Debra | Jan 2, 2017
Working through your resentment in a retreat, can be life changing!
We have the habit of creating expectations in almost every situation. When things don’t go according to plan, we can become angry and resentful. These expectations often get projected on to others. When others don’t meet our expectations, there is often a feeling of loss. Loss then leads to anger, and stored anger leads to resentment and bitterness.
We set ourselves up for disappointment when we expect a certain result. When we get triggered by these expectations and disappointments, we have the opportunity to look at where we at, and where we are not in the flow with the universe.
The real practice here is letting go of your attachment to the outcome.
I can work toward a goal but if I become attached to the outcome, then I will be disappointed if it doesn’t show up in the way I want.
When we are attached to outcomes, we become the victims who have to deal with the resentment and bitterness of things not fulfilling our hopes and expectations.
Bitterness and victimization cuts us off from love and our open hearts. If we do not have an open heart, love cannot flow to us or through us. It is very important to notice how we set up situations with attachment to the outcome. From there we need to work through our resentment before it grabs hold of us. The best way to work through resentment and bitterness can be as simple as forgiving yourself or others and just move on.
Great learning and healing can come from these situations bound in expectations and attachment. We can settle in a place of contentment, knowing that the outcome is perfect, just the way it is. We are always co-creating with the universe to heal our old wounds, it’s just difficult to know it is for our higher learning.
So check in with yourself when you are setting goals or trying to accomplish something. Are you attached in the outcome before you even start? And if you think you are, settle into the fact that maybe what you think is a better outcome for you might not be so.
by Debra | Dec 19, 2016
What does our world look like when our words don’t line up with our actions?
How much power do our words have without the actions behind them? NONE! In my practice, I always talk to my clients about their word and how it can have power or no power at all. Our words carry a lot of weight, but it is through our actions that we can make something come to fruition. Think of the saying, “actions speak louder than words” it is so true!
To be in alignment with ourselves, our actions must line up with our words. It is a good practice to ask ourselves throughout the day, “what am I saying to others and myself?” and “Do I actually do what I say I will do?” If we continue to talk about doing things that we don’t actually do, our words will lose power. What if our words loose power around our dreams and desires? That would be pretty bad. If we talk about a dream we have and don’t take any action, it’s not going to come to fruition. Taking small steps towards our dreams will make it become a reality.
If we say,“I can’t, I tried, I don’t see how it could happen” and our action is minimal, we can’t be surprised with the result.
I think it’s important to be real with ourselves. If we don’t back our words up with the actions it takes to bring something into being, it won’t happen. I think one of the biggest problems we face is failing to get things done. We really believe that we take actions required to make things happen, when in reality we don’t.
When we talk about doing things, either in our personal life or out in the world, we often lack the actions needed to make it happen. This pattern damages our sense of self because deep inside us, we know we aren’t in alignment with who we say we are. This is something we work on in my women’s and couples retreat. If in partnership both parties aren’t doing what they say they are, trust is broken and it’s is difficult to build an intimate relationship with your partner, and of course yourself.
by Debra | Dec 12, 2016
Is Sedona calling you to do a Mother Daughter or Couple’s Retreat?
Einstein said that everything in the universe is made up of “energy.” Every single organism is in a state of flux, isolating at certain speeds, moving with its unique “vibration.” This vibration is within us, and all around us. We are all made up of the same energetic vibrations. I believe that certain places in the world can affect us differently, and Sedona is surely a unique place with high energetic vibrations. Those who live here or visit, know that Sedona is a very powerful place that fosters healing and personal growth. People have often been “called” to Sedona to heal their mind, body and soul. You will experience your own unique healing if you come to Sedona and do a retreat with me.
I have personally experienced the power Sedona holds. I lived in Phoenix for 32 years and decided it was time to find a small community to live in. I tried living in Oregon for a year but felt a consistent heaviness that I was unable to cope with. I wasn’t sure it was the location that made me feel sluggish, I just knew that it was time to move. After the first morning in Sedona, it was made clear to me that it was my new home. I am normally an early riser and on this particular morning I awoke at 5:30 AM with a body full of energy. I was back. I felt totally energized and light as a feather.
I invite you to experience the energy of Sedona and see
how it affects you.
After facilitating many retreats in Sedona, I always notice that my client’s energy starts to really shift after the second day. The retreat facilitates a change in their perspective towards themselves and those around them, and the sacred land of Sedona helps facilitate healing within. Naturally my clients transform.
People are very interested in the vortexes in Sedona because they emit vibrations that are often calming, energizing , and sometimes even overwhelming. Sedona can magnify whatever it is one is feeling. This is why doing a retreat in Sedona is so powerful. Whether it is a one-on-one intensive retreat, a couple’s retreat, or a rejuvenating retreat to relax and reboot, doing it in Sedona will be transformational.
Sedona Soul Retrieval offers a safe haven for doing healing work to shift old limiting beliefs and patterns. I have lived in Sedona over 17 years now, and I am amazed at how my awakening has been accelerated by the natural environment.
If you are experiencing apathy in your life and have a deep desire to live more openly and passionately, Soul Retrieval may be what your heart desires. Listen to the call to Sedona. Is it time to change your life by authentically connecting your Mind, Body and Soul?
by Debra | Dec 5, 2016
How to create a world where we honor ourselves and each other?
I am writing this article to adults and care givers of children to let you know, that sexting is causing a big problem in the world today. This was brought to my attention just the other day when my client told me that her 13-year-old daughter has been sexting her new boyfriend. This is a frightening thing for parents. The teens growing up today have unlimited access to all kinds of sexual and crude things on the Internet. It is too easy for young girls and boys to look up porn and become influenced by sexual related content.
As a country, are we viewing sexual behavior as casual? This is a question we must ask ourselves. It seems like a lot of women don’t understand the harm they cause by disrespecting their own bodies, and allowing men to do the same. Women of all ages must learn to confidently set boundaries with men. And men must learn to respect women just as they are. If older women and men don’t see the problem, then how will our youth learn to respect themselves?
One time I went out with a 63 year-old man, and on the 2nd date he told me I had a sweet ass. “Wow, really!” I said, and continued to tell him that his comment was inappropriate and objectifying towards women. He got very defensive and said it was just a compliment. This was a 63-year-old man that was never trained to respect women.
So what do we do about this? First we have to not allow it. We have to let men know that we respect ourselves and expect them to do the same. If men don’t want to date us because we stand up for ourselves, then so be it. I ask teen girls all the time, “Do you want a boyfriend that doesn’t respect you or other women?” They say no but they also feel threatened by other girls who are playing the sexting game because those are the ones who end up with boyfriends.
So, adults it’s up to you to teach young boys about respecting girls. It’s your job as an older male to know your position in the world, even if you don’t have children, talk to young boys about the importance of respecting women.
If we don’t want a world filled with dishonor and crudeness, it is up to us . Women, take a stand when a male says or does something to you that is disrespectful. Girls, when a boy asks for a nude picture, set him straight. Men, stop talking about sex, like it is a porn movie, and set a good example for younger boys and other men. It is up to us to create a loving and honoring environment to live in. When I was growing up, sex used to be more scared. How can we teach our youth to see the body and the mind as something sacred? What are you going to do with this issue? Will you contribute to the dishonor or help create respect for both men and women?
If you are having difficulties honoring yourself, a spiritual retreat in Sedona might be for you.
