by Debra | Oct 15, 2025
Parenting doesn’t end when our children grow up—it simply changes form. The family dynamics evolve. Yet emotional patterns often linger. When we haven’t healed the old beliefs and fears within ourselves, they can continue to show up in our relationships with our adult children.
At Sedona Soul Retrieval, I often see families struggle. Old patterns of control, judgment, or emotional reactivity haven’t yet been released. And one of the most damaging patterns is when parents get pulled into toxic dynamics—such as talking to one adult child about another or trying to fix conflicts that aren’t theirs to fix.
The Ripple Effect of Unhealed Reactions
When we react from old wounds — whether that’s frustration, fear, or guilt — we’re not responding from love. We’re reacting from our inner child’s pain. That energy doesn’t just affect us; it affects everyone in the family.
When two parents are triggered by each other, that energy magnifies. When those reactions spill over to your adult children, they feel it in their bodies, just as they did when they were young. The nervous system remembers. According to Cleveland Clinic, “Your nervous system plays a role in everything you do. The three main parts of your nervous system are your brain, spinal cord and nerves. It helps you move, think and feel. It even regulates the things you do but don’t think about like digestion.”
The only way to shift this pattern is by learning to manage your own energy — guiding your nervous system from fear to love. The more you do your inner work, the more peace you bring into every relationship, including with your grown children.
Breaking Toxic Communication Cycles
One of the most common ways toxicity shows up in families is through triangulation — talking to one adult child about another. Even if it feels harmless or you’re “just venting,” this behavior creates division, resentment, and mistrust.
Toxicity creeps in via triangulation. You chat with one adult child about another. It seems innocent—a quick vent. Yet it breeds division, resentment, mistrust
.An adult child vents about a sibling? Redirect gently. Say: “I hear your upset. But talk to them directly.”
This choice ends the drama. You model strong boundaries. Don’t mediate or patch things up. Love each child fully and stay out of their battles.
Practices for Healing and Regulating Together
- Get on the same page with your partner. If you and your spouse (or co-parent) react differently to your children, it sends mixed energy into the family system. Work together on staying calm and consistent.
- Regulate your nervous system first. Pause before responding. Take a walk, breathe deeply, or journal about what’s really being triggered inside of you.
- Commit to doing your inner work. The more you work with your inner child, the more you can stay grounded and non-reactive, even when your adult children are struggling.
- Refuse to engage in gossip or triangulation. Instead, encourage direct communication and emotional responsibility among all family members.
From Reaction to Conscious Connection
Healing family dynamics as adults isn’t about blame, it’s about awareness. When you stop reacting and start responding from love, you create a ripple of safety and respect that transforms your family energy.
At Sedona Soul Retrieval, my Family Retreats, Couples Retreats and Mother Daughter Retreats and Mentoring sessions are designed to help parents and adult children heal old wounds, communicate more consciously, and find peace within the family system.
When you do your inner work, everyone benefits. Healing yourself is the first step in healing your family.
Warmly, Debra
“Our retreat with Debra was one of the most memorable, impactful times in our lives. The time I spent with my teenage daughters was so special and unique. I learned so much about myself and tools that I can use in my life to help me become the best version of myself. I feel like it was a gift I gave to myself and to my daughters. I am also so grateful that my daughters have recognized and learned about themselves in a profound, deep way. I feel like my daughter’s relationship was so strengthened as well as the three of ours as well!”
~ Leslie, Mother
“This retreat really helped me find my higher mind. I was at first closed off about it but it really helps you focus on yourself and become the best person you can be for yourself. Also Debra is an amazing person who really helps in such a short period of time. This is truly a life-changing experience that I would 100% recommend. This is all coming from a 17-year-old girl.”
~ Samantha, Daughter
“Overall, this retreat was a great experience. It helped me get to know myself and my family members better and helped me come up with solutions to fix problems in the future. I definitely recommend doing this and I had a great time!”
~ Cameron, Daughter
A great tool for all parents with children of any age is my new book-even though it is directed for parents of teens it is a wonderful resource for all parents.
Warmly, Debra
by Debra | Oct 1, 2025
One of the most profound relationships in life is the one between mother and daughter. At its best, this connection becomes the foundation for a daughter’s sense of belonging and safety in the world. When that bond is nurtured, it helps her feel grounded, capable, and whole. When it’s fractured or lost, it can feel like the ground beneath her has shifted.
I know this from personal experience. I lost my mother when I was just 26 years old. Even though I’ve done deep personal work over the years, there are still times I feel untethered without her presence. A mother provides something unique—a kind of anchor—that is hard to replace. And even in adulthood, we can long for that grounding connection.
The Weight of Labels
In my work, I hear daughters frequently describe their mothers as “narcissistic” or “toxic.” These words have become almost commonplace, and I sometimes wonder if they are being overused. When I ask what specifically makes them feel this way, I often hear examples of behavior that—while perhaps not ideal—don’t necessarily rise to the level of being narcissistic or toxic. Sometimes, it seems what’s really happening is that the mother has tried to set a boundary, and the daughter doesn’t like it.
This is not to minimize real harm that some mothers and daughters experience. There are, of course, situations where estrangement is necessary and healthy. But I also believe there are many relationships being cut off prematurely—sometimes encouraged by therapists or cultural messages—that could be healed if given the right tools, safe space, and guidance.
Healing in Relationship
The mother-daughter relationship is layered, complex, and often tender. Yet, when both parties are willing, healing is possible. Coming together in a structured, compassionate environment allows space for old wounds to be acknowledged and for new patterns of connection to emerge.
This is the heart of the work I facilitate in my Mother-Daughter Retreats. I hold a safe and supportive space where both sides can be heard. If true narcissistic or toxic patterns exist, we will address them openly. And if, after the retreat, no resolution is possible, at least both mother and daughter can leave knowing they’ve done everything they could to try to heal the bond.
A Path Toward Grounding
Even when it feels difficult, exploring the mother-daughter relationship can bring deep healing. For daughters, reclaiming a sense of grounding in connection with their mothers can be transformative. For mothers, the opportunity to release guilt and better understand their daughters’ perspective can be equally powerful.
The mother-daughter bond is not just another relationship—it is a lifeline, a root system. If you truly want to heal generational trauma, cutting off from part of your lineage doesn’t necessarily resolve it. In fact, it can exacerbate the wounds if you haven’t deeply addressed the underlying patterns in your ancestral lineage. When tended to with care, however, it can bring both women into deeper wholeness.
Take advantage of my free consult here before making a decision to release your mother daughter relationship entirely.
If you want to practice more love in your life and understand your fears, check out my retreats and mentoring, individual intensive retreat, a couples retreat, pre-marital retreat or a mother-daughter experience. You’ll walk away with a clearer path, a lighter heart, and a deeper connection to yourself.
Sending Love, Debra
Mother-Daughter Testimonial
“When I was at a loss as to move forward in my relationship with my daughter, I found Debra. As a psychotherapist for over 23 years, we had done some traditional therapy without success. The retreat was wonderful, and we accomplish so much in three days. I feel we have a new way of communicating now, and I’m excited for our future together.”
~ Maria, Mother
2024 FOLLOWUP: “Hi Debra – Happy New Year! We just got back from 12 days in Mexico together and Marissa and I are just doing so fantastic. And all my work as a therapist for the last 25 years I’ve never seen this major shift between two people, Marissa is being so loving with me and very caring. I am just so grateful for our time with you!”
~ Maria, Mother
“The mother daughter retreat is the best thing my mom and I have done for our relationship. Debra was great at helping us better understand each other, and find more effective ways to communicate. I highly recommend this retreat as it was a transformative experience”
~ Marissa, Daughter – 25
Even though my new book What If Your Teen Isn’t The Problem? A Guide To Conscious Parenting is written for parents of teens, many parents of adult children have benefited from reading it.
by Debra | Sep 20, 2025
At some point, we must pause and ask ourselves a hard question: When did we become okay with rallying for someone’s death simply because they believe differently than we do?
In our culture today, I see a growing trend of celebrating when someone we disagree with is harmed, even killed. Social media makes it easy to dehumanize people and forget that behind every headline, there are grieving families, wives, husbands, children, and communities. When I watched the conversations around Charlie Kirk’s death, I was deeply saddened. I didn’t agree with everything he said, but I never would want to see his life end because of his beliefs.
The fact that so many voices—on stage, in comment sections, across platforms—could meet his death with celebration rather than compassion is a stark reminder of how much fear drives us when we take sides.
Fear or Love?
Every time we divide ourselves into “us” and “them,” we are acting from fear. Fear says: If you don’t believe what I believe, you are dangerous. You must be destroyed. Love says: Even if I disagree with you, your life still matters.
We can’t claim to be “leveling up” as human beings or as spiritual seekers if our first instinct is to hate, to cancel, to destroy. True growth is measured in compassion. Compassion does not require agreement—it requires humanity.
Looking Inward
When anger arises and we feel compelled to lash out at “the other side,” that is the moment to look inward. What fear in us is being triggered? What wound inside us is looking for an outlet? Projection—whether through social media rants, cruel comments, or dismissive attitudes—is never the answer.
Instead, we can use these moments as invitations for inner work:
Teaching by Example
Our teens, our children, and even our peers are watching. What we model—hatred or compassion—teaches louder than anything we say. If we want a future grounded in love, it has to start with us now.
Let us show by example that we can disagree without destroying one another. That we can acknowledge pain and difference without abandoning our humanity. That we can look beyond sides and return, again and again, to love.
Whether you are a parent of a teen or just a parent, my book – What If Your Teen Isn’t The Problem? A Guide To Conscious Parenting is a great source of information to explore your fears and how you react through them.
If you want to practice more love in your life and understand your fears, check out my retreats and mentoring, individual intensives, a couples retreat, pre-marital retreat or a mother-daughter experience. You’ll walk away with a clearer path, a lighter heart, and a deeper connection to yourself.
If you want to explore your options, book a Free Consult with Debra
Sending Love, Debra
by Debra | Jun 21, 2025
Your Fiancé Said Yes!
Now make sure you are getting a strong start to your marriage by exploring a Pre-marital Couples Retreat.
Most people go into partnerships without any preparation, hoping for the best, with expectations of how their partner will make them happy. Unfortunately, many times neither partner has the tools to fulfill these expectations.
Entering marriage often begins with a romantic vision of “happily ever after,” but the honeymoon phase will inevitably fade and it’s important to have the tools to manage the relationship consciously. At Sedona Soul Retrieval, we understand that without intentional preparation, marriages can quickly shift from a joyful union to emotional suffering.
That’s why we’re excited to offer Pre‑Marital Couples Retreats—custom-designed immersive experiences (1–3 days) tailored to your unique relationship. Here’s why investing in one could be the greatest gift you give your future partnership.
Why You Should Do a Pre‑Marital Retreat
According to industry stats, the first years of marriage often bring unexpected challenges—41% of first marriages end in divorce, and the rate is higher for subsequent marriages. Without tools and awareness, couples fall into blame cycles, allowing minor triggers to grow into major conflicts.
A Pre‑Marital Couples Retreat helps you:
- Forge healthy communication skills and emotional intimacy.
- Identify and heal personal triggers before they impact your relationship.
- Build a shared foundation of trust, understanding, and conscious conflict resolution.
- Start married life connected, empowered, and aligned—not waiting until you’re in crisis.
What to Expect During Your Retreat
Every retreat is custom-fit to your relationship needs. Here’s what’s typically included:
- Personalized design: Tailored sessions that address where you are and where you want to go.
- Practical tools: Conflict resolution, communication strategies, emotional awareness and forgiveness exercises to let go and move forward.
- Healing space: Safe environment-both physically and emotionally for exploring the dynamics of your relationship and heal old wounds and beliefs.
- Modalities: Breathwork, land experience, equine therapy, or sound healing to deepen your understanding of yourself and your partner.
- After-care: Continued integration support after returning home.
Whether you’re simply planning a conscious journey into marriage or preparing for a stronger future together, our Pre-Marital Retreats ensure you’re entering that sacred space equipped for growth, partnership, and love.
This retreat is ideal if you:
- Want to build a thriving, joyful marriage from the start.
- Desire early communication strategies to avoid misunderstandings later.
- Hope to explore and heal childhood and emotional triggers together.
- Wish to deepen your bond and intimacy before vows are spoken.
As shared by Rob and Mandy, past participants:
“We got more out of this in 2 days than from hundreds of counseling sessions… Your marriage will thank you!”
Start Your Journey Today
Book a free discovery session to see if a Pre-Marital Retreat is a fit for you and you partner.
Marriage isn’t just an event—it’s an ongoing evolution. Let your engagement be the launchpad for a sacred, conscious partnership. With awareness, love, communication, and shared growth, your marriage is poised to thrive.
Also check out our Couple Retreat if you are married and want a reset!
Are you ready to begin your transformation together?
Book your free discovery session or call me at 928‑275‑1087 today.
Love, Debra
by Debra | Jun 12, 2025
Have you ever asked yourself: Do I truly love and accept who I am—mistakes and all?
Too often, we label our actions (and ourselves) as “good” or “bad.” This kind of black-and-white thinking comes from what some call the “lower mind”—the part of us that judges rather than understands. Yes, our choices shape our lives, and some lead us down paths we wouldn’t choose again. But even those missteps can become powerful lessons that contribute to our growth.
When a decision results in pain, regret, or discomfort, it doesn’t mean you’re bad—it means you’re human. What matters is what you do next. Rather than beat yourself up, try this instead:
Acknowledge the choice. Learn from it. Forgive yourself. Then move forward with new awareness.
Many of us were raised hearing, “Be a good girl” or “Don’t be bad.” Whether said directly or implied through disapproval, these early messages taught us to judge ourselves harshly. Even if your parents didn’t use those exact words, you may still have internalized the sense that something about you needed fixing. That constant pressure to be “better” can linger, shaping how you see yourself today.
Here’s the truth: You’re not here to be perfect. You’re here to evolve.
The real opportunity lies in looking closely at the choices that didn’t serve you—and understanding why. When we simply label ourselves as good or bad, we shut down curiosity and compassion. But when we choose to explore what we really wanted, and how we might approach things differently next time, we grow.
So, the next time you feel self-judgment creeping in, pause. Ask yourself:
- What outcome was I hoping for?
- What need was I trying to meet?
- What can I do differently now—with love and self-respect?
Self-acceptance isn’t about letting yourself off the hook. It’s about learning without shame.
You’re not bad. You’re becoming.
If you’re struggling to find that self-love, or if you’re stuck in old patterns that keep repeating, you’re not alone. My retreats and one-on-one mentoring are designed to help you uncover what’s holding you back—whether it’s through an individual intensive, a couples retreat, pre-marital retreat or a mother-daughter experience. If you have a teen, check out my mother/teen daughter retreats! You’ll walk away with a clearer path, a lighter heart, and a deeper connection to yourself.
If you have a teen, or a friend with a teen, check out my other website EmpoweredTeensandParents.com. It is a great resource for handling the tough teenage years more consciously.
And I’m excited to announce… the release date for my latest book is 7/7/25! This book is for parents of teens, although any parent would benefit. It’s called: What If Your Teen Isn’t the Problem? A Guide to Conscious Parenting. More about that soon!
Book a FREE Consult
Adult Mother Daughter Retreat Testimonial
“I can’t thank you enough for all you have done for me and my daughter. Having a “young adult” child move to the other side of the country while trying to resolve issues is needless to say challenging. When I was looking for an adult mother-daughter retreat online, I came across your website. 
Our expectations were exceeded. I loved that your retreat was so personal. The “one on one” sessions truly helped me see that my daughter was an adult and on her own journey. We both felt so comfortable talking to you. You were non-judgemental and so intuitive. You gave us both tools to use in life, not only with each other but with anyone we have a relationship with. Especially our own “little girls. The beautiful setting of Sedona and the activities you planned for us were the icing on the cake. We resolved so many issues and re-bonded emotionally and spiritually. I can truthfully say that we are closer now than ever. We have a new found respect for each other. My daughter and I needed this so badly. I have tears in my eyes again while writing to you. (and I am not a cryer) We love you and thank you for everything. With gratitude,” – Jill, Mother
Love, Debra
by Debra | Feb 10, 2025
Are you experiencing Adult Mother Daughter Estrangement? In recent years, I’ve noticed a heartbreaking trend—many adult daughters, particularly in their 30s, are completely disconnecting from their mothers. While no mother is perfect, I believe that many of these strained relationships can be repaired with open communication, self-awareness, and a willingness to heal. Unfortunately, many daughters are unwilling to take this step, leaving mothers heartbroken and confused, wondering what they did to warrant such complete detachment.
I want to be clear—there are situations where estrangement is necessary, especially in cases of severe, ongoing abuse. But in many cases, the “crime” does not seem to fit the “punishment.” Emotional wounds from childhood, misunderstandings, and unhealed pain can build walls that feel impossible to break down. But I believe there is hope.
That’s why I am passionate about creating mother-daughter retreats—safe, guided spaces where both mothers and daughters can come together, even for just one weekend, to explore their relationship, express their feelings, and work toward understanding and healing. This retreat isn’t about placing blame or demanding immediate reconciliation. Instead, it’s a last effort to find clarity, acknowledge past hurts, and determine if healing is possible. I have worked with adult mother daughters that haven’t spoken in years, who then come into a healthy relationship where love is present again.
Why a Retreat?
- A Safe Space for Honest Conversations – Many mothers and daughters struggle to communicate effectively. A retreat provides a structured environment where each person can feel heard.
- Guided Healing – With the help of experienced facilitator, mothers and daughters can engage in exercises designed to promote understanding and empathy.
- Breaking Generational Patterns – Many daughters fear repeating their mothers’ mistakes. Addressing family dynamics together can create healthier relationships for future generations.
- Preventing Regret – In time, many estranged daughters may wish they had sought resolution. A retreat offers a chance to explore reconciliation before it’s too late.
The Challenge: Getting Daughters to Participate One of the biggest obstacles is that many daughters are unwilling to even consider reconnecting. Some therapists encourage complete estrangement, and societal messages often frame cutting off family as an act of self-care. While boundaries are essential, complete disconnection without an effort to resolve underlying issues can leave lasting wounds.
If you are a daughter, just think about what is possible to gain and what there is to lose. If, after the retreat, you are still in the same position, and your mother hasn’t budged on her position, this is okay, now you have your answer, and you can move on with your life, knowing you did everything you possibly could.
If you are a mother, my suggestion would be to send a text or email letting your daughter know how important your relationship is to you and that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to mend this bridge. Maybe try suggesting a retreat together with someone to mediate and send her my website info SedonaSoulRetrieval.com. If that doesn’t work, my suggestion is to work with me individually, mentoring to shift the energy and to detach from a loving place. Quite often after mothers work with me, looking at their fears and wounding and understanding how not to project them onto their daughter, the energy shifts on its own and the daughter comes around.
Through my Adult Mother Daughter Retreats and Mentoring, we will explore the complexities of mother-daughter dynamics, understand your part and heal old beliefs. If you are a mother struggling with estrangement or a daughter feeling conflicted about cutting ties, or just want to dig deeper into your relationship together and build a deeper connection, lets talk.
For those of you with teen daughters who would like to connect better and learn how to deepen or repair your bond, please check out my Teen Mother Daughter Retreats at EmpoweredTeensandParents.com.
Healing is possible, and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Love, Debra
Book a FREE Consult
Adult Mother Daughter Retreat Testimonial
“I can’t thank you enough for all you have done for me and my daughter. Having a “young adult” child move to the other side of the country while trying to resolve issues is needless to say challenging. When I was looking for an adult mother-daughter retreat online, I came across your website. Our expectations were exceeded. I loved that your retreat was so personal. The “one on one” sessions truly helped me see that my daughter was an adult and on her own journey. We both felt so comfortable talking to you. You were non-judgemental and so intuitive. You gave us both tools to use in life, not only with each other but with anyone we have a relationship with. Especially our own “little girls. The beautiful setting of Sedona and the activities you planned for us were the icing on the cake. We resolved so many issues and re-bonded emotionally and spiritually. I can truthfully say that we are closer now than ever. We have a new found respect for each other. My daughter and I needed this so badly. I have tears in my eyes again while writing to you. (and I am not a cryer) We love you and thank you for everything. With gratitude,” – Jill, Mother
by Debra | Jan 12, 2025
Couples Retreats Are the New Wellness Travel Trend
For years, “wellness travel” meant plush robes, massages, and spa menus. But today, healing getaways are evolving. True wellness isn’t just about relaxation—it’s about connection, emotional balance, and peace within.
That’s why couples’ wellness retreats are becoming one of the fastest-growing trends. Instead of escaping from life, couples now seek retreats that help them reconnect—with themselves, each other, and nature.
- Wellness Is Evolving—Connection Is the Core
Travelers want more than luxury. They’re craving meaning. Modern retreat focus on emotional healing, nervous-system balance, and authentic human connection.
A Couples’ Retreat gives partners time to slow down, breathe, and rebuild emotional safety. When the body relaxes and the heart opens, wellness becomes a lifestyle instead of a weekend escape.
- True Restoration Happens in Relationship
Much of our stress comes from relationships—miscommunication, misunderstanding, and disconnection. When couples learn to regulate their energy together, they experience what it means to feel fully seen, and supported.
At Sedona Soul Retrieval, we guide couples through conscious communication practices that build presence, curiosity, and compassion. This will strengthen connection long after your return home.
- Nature Heals What Words Cannot
The Red Rocks of Sedona are known for their grounding energy. Time in nature naturally resets the nervous system, helping partners feel calm and open.
When you hike, meditate, or simply sit quietly in the vermillion desert’s light, you remember something larger than daily stress—the sacred bond between you and your life partner.
- Emotional Wellness Is the New Luxury
True luxury is inner calm. A Couples Retreat helps you release past resentment, process emotions, and return to love. It’s not a pampering trip—it’s a conscious investment in your relationship’s longevity.
Wellness travel is shifting from “How can I escape?” to “How can I reconnect?”—that’s the transformation a Couples Retreat offers.
- Why Sedona Is the Ideal Backdrop
Sedona’s unique energy supports deep rest and emotional awakening. Couples leave with renewed intimacy, practical communication tools, and a lighter heart.
Your relationship becomes your wellness practice—something sacred, alive, and evolving.
A New Definition of Wellness
Wellness travel is no longer just self-care—it’s relationship care. When two people commit to healing together, they experience a kind of renewal no spa day can provide.
If you’re ready to rediscover each other and experience wellness on a soul level, explore our private Couples Retreats in Sedona.
If you’re interested in finding ways to heal and bring calm and presence into your life sign up for my FREE CONSULT here.
Warmly, Debra
by Debra | Dec 3, 2024
The holiday season is upon us, and so is all of the joy and all of the craziness. The great part about the holidays is getting together with friends and family, shopping for special gifts, baking and just an all over warm and cozy feeling. The downfall of the holiday season is the triggers of friends and family, shopping in crowded malls, and all the baking. The same things that give us the joy also give us anxiety.
How do we move through the holidays being able to experience the fun and excitement, without fretfulness? The process that I teach has my clients taking the situation or person that’s triggering them on the outside and bringing it inside to see what old beliefs they are buying into so they may be able to shift them.
Your kids are going to trigger you and you are going to trigger your kids. How can you stay centered and come from a loving place when actually what you want to do is scream to the top of your lungs.
The holidays are no different than any other day for personal growth. Our egos are just up more because we are busier and we have more anxiety. If we could just slow down and pay attention to how we are feeling and what we are thinking, we could take advantage of the opportunities for growth. Even though things are getting ramped up, we have to slow down. Remembering that our teens are our best teachers.
I find adding a gratitude practice daily helps me to remember what’s important. Yes, of course, I want to get everything done, but I don’t have to get it done like a chicken with its head chopped off, I can get it done with grace and ease. Remembering how grateful I am that I have family and friends, that I have money in the bank to be able to buy them a special gift and to bake them something special. There are so many people in the world that are completely alone without family and have no funds to purchase food for themselves let alone a gift for someone else. Start a practice with your kids to tell each other something they you all are grateful daily.
When I start getting caught up and rushing around, this is a good time for me to stop take a deep breath and remember how lucky I am. On that note, I want to tell each and every one of you how grateful I am that you are in my life in one way or another. The retreats and mentoring that I have facilitated have been so special to me, thank you.
I am also very grateful for all of the connections that I have with friends, family.
I wish you all a beautiful and loving holiday season. Love each other like it is your last day to love, laugh with each other like it may be your last day to laugh and be grateful for all that you have.
Love, Debra
by Debra | Jan 3, 2024
Happy New Year!
I am so grateful to have all of you in my life.
This year particularly I think, for me, has been a year of really exploring my behaviors. Am I coming from a place of love or am I coming from a place of fear? The world is packed with situation’s that would bring fear into me. Although I must admit during the holidays, it’s way easier for me to be in a place of love. I’m gifting and giving from my heart, which always helps me stay in a place of love.
I hope that you take this opportunity with your Family to let go of any ideas that you have around them having to have the same beliefs as you do, so you can stay in a place of love with each other. Let go of everything that has to do with the outside situations and just be in that place of love in your heart. Recognizing all their good and letting go of any judgments you may have. Sometimes this is hard because our family brings up all of our stuff and then we start projecting how we feel onto them. Pay attention and if you start doing just that, breath and take yourself to a private space and go inward with your feelings, instead of projecting them.
It’s a new year for us to set intentions on being in a higher place with our consciousness and if you are struggling with this, make sure you look at doing your work, either, in a retreat or mentoring to help you recognize your behavior, and not act out. It feels so much better in our bodies when we manage our feelings and behaviors from a place of love. It also feels much better to others when we’re not projecting our emotions onto them, and not acting out.
I hope this new year brings you so much love and joy in your life.
Warmly, Debra
by Debra | Feb 21, 2023
Blame means to hold someone responsible for some perceived error or faults, whether the error fault is real or not.
A lot of times when your daughter is blaming you it’s misplaced anger that isn’t even about you but you seem to be a safer target. When your daughter was a teen she wasn’t really able to process her emotions and therefore it was easier for her to blame you for everything; how her life is feeling to her. Unfortunately, if she is feeling crummy about her life she may blame you but if her life is going well I’m not sure you’ll get the credit.
Teens have yet to develop their ability to reason and so unfortunately, they will falsely assign blame and it usually lands on the mother. When she says she hates you it’s because she’s angry and holding you responsible for her unhappiness, even though you have done nothing wrong. If she is feeling angry, negative or resentful she will possibly blame you for everything she is not able to cope with. Once she is ready to take ownership for her issues, the blaming will stop.
As a human being there is no possible way to be the perfect parent. At some point in a child’s life when they become emotionally mature adults, they need to see through the errors of your parenting and heal their wounds and stop blaming you. If this blame continues for a long period of time, it will eventually erode the relationship and make it harder to come back to a more loving space with each other.
It’s so important to have an understanding for our process of growth through our triggers because of how people show up for us. If you are always expecting people on the outside to show up a certain way to make it feel good, 50% of the time you will be disappointed.
In my work through the mother-daughter retreats whether it be teens or adults is all about taking full ownership of your own emotions and using those emotions to heal. It is through the process of healing our own wounds that we find peace with ourselves and others. The first place this will shift is the mother daughter relationship.
The earlier you can work through this dynamic the better it is for your daughter, because she will learn how to love herself through your relationship instead of dumping the blame and anger on you. Well working on your relationship in the mother daughter retreat the biggest shift is the love you find for yourself. Once we find this love for ourselves it organically shows up on the outside with others and the first to feel that shift is definitely the mother.
If you would like to explore a mother-daughter retreat no matter what age your daughter is, schedule a free consult here Scheduler Free Consult and let’s talk about if it’s right for you!
Mother Daughter Retreat Testimonial
“This retreat was definitely different than anything I’ve experienced before. The spiritual aspect of this retreat was really outstanding. It is hard to settle into the retreat because it throws a lot at you really fast, but I don’t have any regrets! I learned more in two days with Debra than I have with any therapist in weeks.”
~ Nicole, Daughter
“I wasn’t sure what to expect. I learned there is continued healing to be done inside myself – wounds that have been a barrier to a loving relationship with my daughter. I’m humbled by the opportunity to explore where I needed healing, so that I can restore the relationship with my daughter. This has been a deep journey inward and a cathartic experience. Thank you!”
~ Jane, Mother
by Debra | Dec 13, 2022
First, I want to say Happy Holidays to all of you and honor all the work you’ve put in to be the best version of yourself that you can be. I feel so lucky to do this work and connect with so many warriors on the path of healing, like myself. The holidays are a time to practice being in a space of love and not fear. It can be such a joyous time and it can also be a time of conflict among family members.
This year I will be staying in Sedona with my youngest daughter, 44 years old and her 2 chiweenie’s (2 of my 3 grandkids.) We normally go to Oregon to see my oldest daughter and my grandson or they come here. But this year we are not connecting.
During the holidays the tension is definitely higher and here are a few tips on how to be around family members and stay alive. Families are where we get triggered the most and take things personally. I always hear from clients “If she wasn’t my sister, or my mother, etc. I wouldn’t be in relationship with her.” It’s tough to avoid your mother, husband or kids.
Our family is our biggest teacher. It lets us know exactly where we are in our personal development and our limits to love. I always know where I am in my process the first day of my vacation with my kids. I am usually on top of my limiting beliefs in general but boy do they get magnified around my kids.
In a family where everyone is doing their personal work and no one is projecting, you might not have to worry about triggers. Sorry, I had a little giggle because I have never seen such a thing. Mostly what I see and experience is that we are all human, doing the best we can and trying to get out of our family dynamics alive.
How about shifting the getting out alive to learning from the dynamics for our higher good? First and foremost, don’t take things they do personally, including their opinions or judgments. Let them have their opinions, even if it’s about you. Something simple you can say is “That’s interesting.” Don’t get sucked into the “you gotta win game.” Let them think and be who they are. Love them for who they are.
If you are experiencing anxiety, depression or severe physical symptoms this lets you know that you are taking it way too personally and believing their behavior is actually about you, when it’s not.
Family time is a chance to set boundaries and make sure you are taking care of your self. Easier said than done, when in the heat of triggers on steroids.
Simple tips to staying calm around family:
- Their behavior isn’t about you
- Don’t engage in trying to win conversations, just say “That’s interesting”
- This is an opportunity to grow
- They are doing the best they can
- Love them for who they are (even if they’re crazy)
- Take care of yourself while around them
- Stay sober
Enjoy your holiday season and learn to love passed your limits!
by Debra | Aug 17, 2021
Do we all have trauma?
I have been studying trauma and the effects and listening to Dr. Gabor Mate for many years. If you haven’t seen his new documentary Wisdom of Trauma, I highly recommend it.
Many people associate being traumatized with experiencing childhood abuse. Nonetheless, a parent doesn’t have to purposefully harm their child to traumatize them.
Certain parenting strategies, such as letting a baby “cry it out” rather than comforting them, can have lasting consequences. The parents believe this method has worked when the baby stops crying but Dr Mate says what actually has happened when the infant falls asleep after a long period of crying is the brain shuts down from the overwhelming exhaustion and pain of being abandoned. It’s an automatic neurological mechanism, the baby gives up. In the short-term the parents feel as if this method has worked, at the cost of the child’s long-term emotional vulnerability.
Societal Traumas and Healing
Dr. Gabor Mate, who has spent much of his career helping traumatized patients, believes childhood trauma is only one aspect of the bigger picture. People can also become traumatized due to the shortfalls of society.
For example, if a single mother must work two jobs, requiring her to leave her infant with a babysitter, then the baby might be less likely to receive enough attention. A helpless baby who doesn’t receive the love they need may have traumatic effects even if they didn’t experience violence or sexual abuse.
As a society, we are failing to meet our children’s needs. Dr. Mate believes traumatized people have become disconnected from themselves. This disconnect is resulting from our capitalistic culture, which promotes mindless consumerism over deeper mental and spiritual development. Another issue is that many doctors, teachers, and other professionals who work with children aren’t properly educated on the latest research on childhood trauma.
Doing our inner child work gives us a deeper view of what our traumas are and move forward into healing them. We cannot do anything to change what has happened in our childhood, but shinning a light on it and learning the tools to heal and grow through them is critical.
I do this deep work in all of my retreats and my clients experience transformational healing.
