by Debra | Dec 3, 2024
The holiday season is upon us, and so is all of the joy and all of the craziness. The great part about the holidays is getting together with friends and family, shopping for special gifts, baking and just an all over warm and cozy feeling. The downfall of the holiday season is the triggers of friends and family, shopping in crowded malls, and all the baking. The same things that give us the joy also give us anxiety.
How do we move through the holidays being able to experience the fun and excitement, without fretfulness? The process that I teach has my clients taking the situation or person that’s triggering them on the outside and bringing it inside to see what old beliefs they are buying into so they may be able to shift them.
Your kids are going to trigger you and you are going to trigger your kids. How can you stay centered and come from a loving place when actually what you want to do is scream to the top of your lungs.
The holidays are no different than any other day for personal growth. Our egos are just up more because we are busier and we have more anxiety. If we could just slow down and pay attention to how we are feeling and what we are thinking, we could take advantage of the opportunities for growth. Even though things are getting ramped up, we have to slow down. Remembering that our teens are our best teachers.
I find adding a gratitude practice daily helps me to remember what’s important. Yes, of course, I want to get everything done, but I don’t have to get it done like a chicken with its head chopped off, I can get it done with grace and ease. Remembering how grateful I am that I have family and friends, that I have money in the bank to be able to buy them a special gift and to bake them something special. There are so many people in the world that are completely alone without family and have no funds to purchase food for themselves let alone a gift for someone else. Start a practice with your kids to tell each other something they you all are grateful daily.
When I start getting caught up and rushing around, this is a good time for me to stop take a deep breath and remember how lucky I am. On that note, I want to tell each and every one of you how grateful I am that you are in my life in one way or another. The retreats and mentoring that I have facilitated have been so special to me, thank you.
I am also very grateful for all of the connections that I have with friends, family.
I wish you all a beautiful and loving holiday season. Love each other like it is your last day to love, laugh with each other like it may be your last day to laugh and be grateful for all that you have.
Love, Debra
by Debra | Jan 3, 2024
Happy New Year!
I am so grateful to have all of you in my life.
This year particularly I think, for me, has been a year of really exploring my behaviors. Am I coming from a place of love or am I coming from a place of fear? The world is packed with situation’s that would bring fear into me. Although I must admit during the holidays, it’s way easier for me to be in a place of love. I’m gifting and giving from my heart, which always helps me stay in a place of love.
I hope that you take this opportunity with your Family to let go of any ideas that you have around them having to have the same beliefs as you do, so you can stay in a place of love with each other. Let go of everything that has to do with the outside situations and just be in that place of love in your heart. Recognizing all their good and letting go of any judgments you may have. Sometimes this is hard because our family brings up all of our stuff and then we start projecting how we feel onto them. Pay attention and if you start doing just that, breath and take yourself to a private space and go inward with your feelings, instead of projecting them.
It’s a new year for us to set intentions on being in a higher place with our consciousness and if you are struggling with this, make sure you look at doing your work, either, in a retreat or mentoring to help you recognize your behavior, and not act out. It feels so much better in our bodies when we manage our feelings and behaviors from a place of love. It also feels much better to others when we’re not projecting our emotions onto them, and not acting out.
I hope this new year brings you so much love and joy in your life.
Warmly, Debra
by Debra | Feb 21, 2023
If your mother-daughter relationship feels like it’s become one long cycle of blame, you’re not alone.
Maybe every disagreement somehow becomes your fault. Perhaps your daughter blames you for how she feels, or you find yourself blaming her for the distance between you. Over time, both of you become exhausted, defensive, and unsure how to reconnect.
The truth is, blame rarely creates healing. It creates distance.
The good news is that blame is usually a symptom of something much deeper—and that means it can change.
What Is Blame Really About?
Blame is holding someone responsible for our pain, disappointment, or unhappiness. Sometimes that responsibility is appropriate. But many times, blame is an attempt to make sense of emotions we haven’t fully understood ourselves.
When we’re hurting, it’s natural to look for a reason.
Unfortunately, the people we love most often become the easiest targets.
In a mother-daughter relationship, this can become a painful pattern that repeats itself for years if no one understands what’s happening underneath it.
Why Adult Daughters Still Blame Their Mothers
Many mothers are surprised when the blaming doesn’t end after their daughter becomes an adult.
If old emotional wounds haven’t been acknowledged or healed, they don’t simply disappear with age. Instead, they often show up in new ways. An adult daughter may find herself blaming her mother for her lack of confidence, her relationships, her anxiety, or the way she feels about herself.
Often, this blame isn’t really about the present moment. It’s about unresolved pain from the past that has never been fully processed. When we don’t understand our own emotional wounds, it’s easy to believe someone else is responsible for how we feel.
This doesn’t mean a mother never made mistakes. Every parent does. But lasting mother-daughter healing begins when both women become willing to separate what actually happened from the meaning they’ve carried about it for years.
As difficult as it may be, taking ownership of our own healing is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves—and ultimately, each other. It shifts the relationship from blame and resentment to understanding, compassion, and genuine connection.
Healing Begins with Personal Ownership
One of the most important shifts in any healthy mother-daughter relationship is learning to take ownership of your own emotional experience.
Ownership doesn’t mean denying that you’ve been hurt.
It doesn’t mean pretending someone’s behavior was acceptable.
It means recognizing that while we can’t always control what happens to us, we can learn to heal the wounds that those experiences awakened inside us.
This is where real freedom begins.
Instead of asking:
We begin asking:
- What is this experience trying to teach me?
- Why does this situation affect me so deeply?
- What part of me still needs compassion and healing?
Those questions move us out of blame and into growth.
No Parent Gets Everything Right
Every parent makes mistakes.
Every child experiences moments of disappointment.
There is no such thing as a perfect mother.
As daughters mature emotionally, part of adulthood is recognizing that parents are human beings who did many things well and inevitably got some things wrong.
Likewise, mothers often need to release the expectation that daughters will always understand their intentions.
Healing happens when both people stop keeping score and begin seeing each other with greater compassion.
Whether I’m working with mothers and teenage daughters or mothers and adult daughters, one transformation happens again and again.
The blame begins to soften.
As each woman starts understanding her own emotional patterns, the need to make the other person responsible begins to fade.
Instead of asking, “Why did you do this to me?”
They begin asking, “What happened to you, and what happened to me?”
That single shift creates space for empathy, accountability, forgiveness, and genuine connection.
Ironically, the greatest gift of healing your mother-daughter relationship isn’t simply improving the relationship itself.
It’s discovering a deeper love and acceptance for yourself.
From that place, healthier relationships naturally begin to grow.
You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck
If blame has become the language of your mother-daughter relationship, know that it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Healing is possible at any age.
Whether your daughter is 15 or 55, it’s never too early—or too late—to begin understanding the deeper wounds beneath the conflict.
A mother-daughter retreat offers a safe, compassionate space to move beyond blame, rebuild trust, and create the kind of relationship both of you truly want.
If you’d like to explore whether a retreat is the right fit, I’d love to speak with you. Schedule a complimentary consultation, and let’s talk about what’s possible for your relationship.
“This retreat was definitely different than anything I’ve experienced before. The spiritual aspect of this retreat was really outstanding. It is hard to settle into the retreat because it throws a lot at you really fast, but I don’t have any regrets! I learned more in two days with Debra than I have with any therapist in weeks.”
~ Nicole, Daughter
“I wasn’t sure what to expect. I learned there is continued healing to be done inside myself – wounds that have been a barrier to a loving relationship with my daughter. I’m humbled by the opportunity to explore where I needed healing, so that I can restore the relationship with my daughter. This has been a deep journey inward and a cathartic experience. Thank you!”
~ Jane, Mother
Schedule a FREE CONSULT if you would like to explore your options for healing the mother daughter dynamic and seeing your patterns around blame.
Warmly, Debra
by Debra | Dec 13, 2022
First, I want to say Happy Holidays to all of you and honor all the work you’ve put in to be the best version of yourself that you can be. I feel so lucky to do this work and connect with so many warriors on the path of healing, like myself. The holidays are a time to practice being in a space of love and not fear. It can be such a joyous time and it can also be a time of conflict among family members.
This year I will be staying in Sedona with my youngest daughter, 44 years old and her 2 chiweenie’s (2 of my 3 grandkids.) We normally go to Oregon to see my oldest daughter and my grandson or they come here. But this year we are not connecting.
During the holidays the tension is definitely higher and here are a few tips on how to be around family members and stay alive. Families are where we get triggered the most and take things personally. I always hear from clients “If she wasn’t my sister, or my mother, etc. I wouldn’t be in relationship with her.” It’s tough to avoid your mother, husband or kids.
Our family is our biggest teacher. It lets us know exactly where we are in our personal development and our limits to love. I always know where I am in my process the first day of my vacation with my kids. I am usually on top of my limiting beliefs in general but boy do they get magnified around my kids.
In a family where everyone is doing their personal work and no one is projecting, you might not have to worry about triggers. Sorry, I had a little giggle because I have never seen such a thing. Mostly what I see and experience is that we are all human, doing the best we can and trying to get out of our family dynamics alive.
How about shifting the getting out alive to learning from the dynamics for our higher good? First and foremost, don’t take things they do personally, including their opinions or judgments. Let them have their opinions, even if it’s about you. Something simple you can say is “That’s interesting.” Don’t get sucked into the “you gotta win game.” Let them think and be who they are. Love them for who they are.
If you are experiencing anxiety, depression or severe physical symptoms this lets you know that you are taking it way too personally and believing their behavior is actually about you, when it’s not.
Family time is a chance to set boundaries and make sure you are taking care of your self. Easier said than done, when in the heat of triggers on steroids.
Simple tips to staying calm around family:
- Their behavior isn’t about you
- Don’t engage in trying to win conversations, just say “That’s interesting”
- This is an opportunity to grow
- They are doing the best they can
- Love them for who they are (even if they’re crazy)
- Take care of yourself while around them
- Stay sober
Enjoy your holiday season and learn to love passed your limits!
by Debra | Aug 17, 2021
Do we all have trauma?
I have been studying trauma and the effects and listening to Dr. Gabor Mate for many years. If you haven’t seen his new documentary Wisdom of Trauma, I highly recommend it.
Many people associate being traumatized with experiencing childhood abuse. Nonetheless, a parent doesn’t have to purposefully harm their child to traumatize them.
Certain parenting strategies, such as letting a baby “cry it out” rather than comforting them, can have lasting consequences. The parents believe this method has worked when the baby stops crying but Dr Mate says what actually has happened when the infant falls asleep after a long period of crying is the brain shuts down from the overwhelming exhaustion and pain of being abandoned. It’s an automatic neurological mechanism, the baby gives up. In the short-term the parents feel as if this method has worked, at the cost of the child’s long-term emotional vulnerability.
Societal Traumas and Healing
Dr. Gabor Mate, who has spent much of his career helping traumatized patients, believes childhood trauma is only one aspect of the bigger picture. People can also become traumatized due to the shortfalls of society.
For example, if a single mother must work two jobs, requiring her to leave her infant with a babysitter, then the baby might be less likely to receive enough attention. A helpless baby who doesn’t receive the love they need may have traumatic effects even if they didn’t experience violence or sexual abuse.
As a society, we are failing to meet our children’s needs. Dr. Mate believes traumatized people have become disconnected from themselves. This disconnect is resulting from our capitalistic culture, which promotes mindless consumerism over deeper mental and spiritual development. Another issue is that many doctors, teachers, and other professionals who work with children aren’t properly educated on the latest research on childhood trauma.
Doing our inner child work gives us a deeper view of what our traumas are and move forward into healing them. We cannot do anything to change what has happened in our childhood, but shinning a light on it and learning the tools to heal and grow through them is critical.
I do this deep work in all of my retreats and my clients experience transformational healing.
by Debra | Jul 27, 2021
Avoiding your feelings can create an unhealthy environment in your mind and in your body. But the worst thing that avoiding your feelings does is takes away the opportunity for you to look at what’s going on in a much deeper way and grow from the experience.
Potent emotions can be extremely challenging especially when there are many crazy experiences going on in our life at once. I find it easier to sit with one emotion at a time, and having a conversation with the lower part of yourself that is totally hooked into that emotion. Usually when you do this, you can find out what the root cause of your suffering is.
There is usually two ways people deal with their emotions, first they stuff them and the feelings tend to get heavy inside and affect them physically, (depression or anxiety) or you will project them outside of your body by possibly yelling or other ways of acting out. Neither are healthy. The best way to deal with overwhelming emotions is to take the feeling off of the situation outside of yourself and bring it inside and sit with the feeling, and breathe and explore what’s going on for you, instead of making it about what’s happening outside of you.
You do not want to avoid your emotions or feelings because in doing so they sit inside your body and turn into unconscious anger, withdrawal or self-sabotage. It’s important to go inward with your emotions and reflect and feel them before taking them to others to express. What people have a tendency to do is to express their emotions to others through the lower part of themselves/ego, which is just another form of unconscious expression. The only thing you should be going to others about is your learning about the situation, not about the actual situation. When we talk about the actual situation like what others do wrong it feeds the unconscious self and doesn’t actually exhaust the emotions.
When bringing your emotions inward, it is important not to judge what you’re feeling or the situation, simply look at your feelings and possibly was happening inside your body and connection to an old belief. After doing this you can just let it go, although letting go doesn’t mean it won’t circle back, it might and that’s okay. Some limiting beliefs take a long time to exhaust. During the process of letting go deep breathing really helps.
Feel the emotions, be with the emotions, don’t run from them or projecting them outside of your body and then
breathe and imagine letting go.
by Debra | May 23, 2021
Getting centered during the Covid 19 Pandemic:
How can a Personalized Sedona Soul Retrieval Remote Retreat can help bring you back to center?
Hello Everyone, it has been a while since I have connected and I hope you and your family are safe and well. This time in history has brought up a lot of old wounding and beliefs around aloneness and safety for many people. There is so much that is unknown in the world right now with the health of the planet and the political situation. People are steeping in fear.
How do we maintain our balance and stay grounded in this world of uncertainty? When we look at history, and I mean history from way back when, we have always been in crisis. This isn’t anything new; people killing other people, pandemics that kill, and a world separated by beliefs.
This like any other time is time to go inward and explore how we feel and recognize that the outside world is just scratching up against an old belief system and making us suffer. Maybe your belief is, I’m not safe in the world, or people aren’t safe, or the unknown is scary, or that feelings are safe. I have experiences all of these at one point or another during the last 9 months. It’s important if you are buying into any of these beliefs that you not project them outside of you. This means don’t blame the situation for how you feel, do your work around your beliefs, knowing they were inside of you all along.
This is the tricky part! How can we not blame Co-Vid for making us feel unsafe, it appears to be a scary virus? If we go deep within, we will notice that we have always felt unsafe in regards to many other situations; this is just another one. The idea is to heal the wounds from our childhood and by placing the blame on outside influences we lose the opportunity to do our work and shift our old, limiting beliefs.
If we stay stuck in the story of any blame and miss any chance to heal. In my Intensive remote retreats, we explore old patterns and wounding and connect the dots with our actions. We look at which part of our minds we are feeding and growing. Most people are feeding their lower egoic mind and aren’t using the higher mind muscle much at all. The more we use the ego mind the stronger it gets and the higher mind remains weaker. With this work you will start to utilize the tools to develop a higher part of your mind and shift old patterns that keep you stuck. Here is what a client said after a 3-day intensive remote retreat.
“My experience with working with Debra during my online three-day intensive was incredible. I came to Debra lost, confused, and broken and after three short days I feel like she has guided me through uncovering my old beliefs and habits which have been detrimental to me and my relationships- particularly my relationship with my daughter. I now have a clear plan and path for addressing my emotions so that I can truly move forward in life and my relationships as my best self. Wish I had gone through this process years ago. Life is an easy but I now have the tools needed to bring a positive energy back to my world. Thank you, Debra”
-Julie
She was going to do a mother daughter retreat and we decided an individual intensive was the best place to start. Whether you do an intensive indidual or a mother daughter retreat, both will help you see how you may be acting out of this lower place in yourself and damaging relationships that are important to you.
The remote retreats have been amazing and I’m excited to be offering them during such a time of need. I am offering a nice discount as well, knowing people could possibly be struggling financially.
I hope you are strengthening those relationships that are important to you by showing up in a loving way and know that if you are having difficulties doing so, I’m here.
If you are having difficulty leaning into love and you have more fear, you may want to consider a Intensive Online Retreat or Mentoring Course.
by Debra | Jan 14, 2021
How a Personalized Sedona Retreat can bring you back to balance
Hello Everyone, it has been a while since I have connected and I hope you and your family are safe and well. This time in history has brought up a lot of old
wounding and beliefs around aloneness and safety for many people. There is so much that is unknown in the world right now with the health of the planet and the political situation. People are steeping in fear.
How do we maintain our balance and stay grounded in this world of uncertainty? When we look at history, and I mean history from way back when, we have always been in crisis. This isn’t anything new; people killing other people, pandemics that kill, and a world separated by beliefs.
This like any other time is time to go inward and explore how we feel and recognize that the outside world is just scratching up against an old belief system and making us suffer. Maybe your belief is, I’m not safe in the world, or people aren’t safe, or the unknown is scary, or that feelings are safe. I have experiences all of these at one point or another during the last 6 months. It’s important if you are buying into any of these beliefs that you not project them outside of you. This means don’t blame the situation for how you feel, do your work around your beliefs, knowing they were inside of you all along.
This is the tricky part! How can we not blame Co-Vid for making us feel unsafe, it appears to be a scary virus? If we go deep within, we will notice that we have always felt unsafe in regards to many other situations; this is just another one. The idea is to heal the wounds from our childhood and by placing the blame on outside influences we lose the opportunity to do our work and shift our old, limiting beliefs.
If we stay stuck in the story of any blame and miss any chance to heal. In my Intensive remote retreats, we explore old patterns and wounding and connect the dots with our actions. We look at which part of our minds we are feeding and growing. Most people are feeding their lower egoic mind and aren’t using the higher mind muscle much at all. The more we use the ego mind the stronger it gets and the higher mind remains weaker. With this work you will start to utilize the tools to develop a higher part of your mind and shift old patterns that keep you stuck. Here is what a client said after a 3-day intensive remote retreat.
“My experience with working with Debra during my online three-day intensive was incredible. I came to Debra lost, confused, and broken and after three short days I feel like she has guided me through uncovering my old beliefs and habits which have been detrimental to me and my relationships- particularly my relationship with my daughter. I now have a clear plan and path for addressing my emotions so that I can truly move forward in life and my relationships as my best self. Wish I had gone through this process years ago. Life is an easy but I now have the tools needed to bring a positive energy back to my world. Thank you, Debra”
-Julie, Remote Retreat
She was going to do a mother daughter retreat and we decided an individual intensive was the best place to start. Whether you do an intensive indidual or a mother daughter retreat, both will help you see how you may be acting out of this lower place in yourself and damaging relationships that are important to you.
The remote retreats have been amazing and I’m excited to be offering them during such a time of need. I am offering a nice discount as well, knowing people could possibly be struggling financially.
I hope you are strengthening those relationships that are important to you by showing up in a loving way and know that if you are having difficulties doing so, I’m here.
If you are having difficulty leaning into love and you have more fear, you may want to consider a Intensive Online Retreat or Mentoring Course.
Click HERE to schedule your free consult. Or call me at 928-300-0447.
If you are having difficulties with your choices around relationships, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
Another Testimonial!
“As soon as we began I knew this was the direction I was wanting to go. I felt Debra was spot on with where the feelings are coming from and truly gifted me with the tools to care for those feelings. She did such a great job at turning an ugly/hurt filled situation into a meaningful, purposeful, beautiful experience. I love the way I see and feel about myself, my mom and our relationship… Not only with each other, but with every body else in life. I can’t thank you enough, Debra. You are such a gift! I feel blessed to share in this experience.
-With love, Jennifer (Daughter)
Debra, thank you so much for helping me to connect with my daughter and myself. I’m very glad that I chose you in this reconnecting process!”
-Sincerely, Julia (Mom)
Debra Beck
Is your mother daughter relationship in trouble?
Is your heart aching to reconnect?
Are you tired of being blamed for the problems?
by Debra | Apr 6, 2020
It’s important to manage our fears regarding the Corona Virus!
There is an extreme amount of fear circulating with everyone regarding this virus and our economic situation. I notice it rumbling in my body throughout the day. It is critical that we learn to manage this anxiety by going inward not outward.
When we look at the situation outside of ourselves it will elevate our levels of fear and anxiety and actually expand any of the old beliefs we are buying into. If we can just take two big deep breaths and relax our body and connect with what we are feeling, and realize that it is coming from our projections outward.
Most of us are feeling pretty unsafe and out-of-control in our lives at the moment. If we can understand that these feelings come from being disconnected from source and being more connected with our ego minds, this will guide us back to our connection with God.
The more we stay in the reality of what’s happening out there the more we expand our old beliefs of truly being out of control and unsafe and there is no healing or learning.
During this time of unrest in the world with the coronavirus and economy, I find myself going inward with my practice more and more. Shifting my lower mind to a higher way of being and seeing things through my higher self. If we could all practice being with how we feel and shifting the fear to love, it may shift the worlds dynamics. Fear begets fear just as love begets love. What energy do you want to be putting out?
The faster we shift our energy away from fear, the quicker the universal fear will dissipate.
If you are having difficulty leaning into love and you have more fear, you may want to consider a Mini Online Retreat or Mentoring Course.
by Debra | Mar 16, 2020
Looking at the benefits of being in relationship and not being in one.
To be single or be in a relationship is such a personal preference. One isn’t better than the other; it’s just a choice that’s made. There isn’t a right or wrong way to life regarding being single or being in relationship. Both ways have benefits and downfalls.
One benefit of being single is that it is truly a wonderful way to explore who you are. Certain things come up around doing life solo. It really depends on what your old belief systems are. One of the benefits of being single you have total flexibility to do what you want at a moments notice and the freedom to make your own choices. There comes great strength in making our own choices.
The downfall of being single is always having to make all of your decision alone without someone that knows you really well to bounce things off of; although a good girlfriend can certainly fill those shoes. Another downfall is the obvious one, which is limited affection or touch unless you are in relationships that offer affection. I don’t know many people my age who would choose to be in an affectionate or sexual relationship with a commitment. But that isn’t saying it isn’t possible.
The benefits of being in a relationship can also offer great growth and evolution. This is mostly dependent on if your partner is willing to do the work necessary to grow through difficult triggers. The transformation that can happen being that intimate with another person can be life changing. Another benefit of being in relationship is the pure comfort of knowing you are facing life’s challenges with another and able to give each other comfort through hard times.
There are pros and cons to both being single and being in relationship, again it is just a personal preference. I have loved being in relationship and I currently love being single.
If you are having difficulties with your choices around relationships, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
by Debra | Mar 9, 2020
Do you love and accept yourself?
When we label our actions or ourselves good or bad we are seeing things through our lower mind. The choices that we make can certainly lead us in a direction that may not be in our highest good, although it may be for our higher learning. If one of our choices leads to an unfavorable outcome, we have the opportunity to learn from it, which is always good.
When we make choices that take us in a direction that create a reality for ourselves that we don’t want, we will feel unhappy, sad or bad. We want to be careful not to label ourselves bad when we are in these situations. We may just want to acknowledge that we made a choice that led us down a path we didn’t want to go down and then let it go. Learn from that decision, forgive ourselves and be conscious about not doing it again.
Most of us grew up with the words good and bad being used to manipulate us. If you did what you are supposed to do you’re a good girl if you didn’t you are a bad girl. This type of discipline isn’t the best for us to be guiding our own inner self and moral compass.
Even though I wasn’t raised by parents who said I was a bad girl or a good girl, they were always trying to fix me, therefore I always felt like something was wrong with me. Whereas people that were raised by parents that use these tactics may find themselves feeling badly in ongoing situations.
As human’s we are here to learn, grow and evolve. The best way to evolve is to dissect the decisions that we have made that lead us down a path we don’t want to be on. When we just label ourselves good or bad, we don’t allow ourselves the opportunity to grow. If you find yourself in judgment of your actions, push yourself to go a little deeper into exploring what outcome you desire and forgive yourself and just do it differently next time.
If you are having difficulties spotting the areas where you aren’t loving and accepting yourself, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
by Debra | Mar 2, 2020
Are you dating consciously?
I have been single quite a bit throughout my life and while my other friends were dating miserably, I was enjoying myself. For me it was an opportunity to get to know someone different and to hone in my skills of being conscious of human behavior. Not only conscious of the behavior of someone else but mostly my own behaviors.
I get a chance to keep and eye on my inner child, that little girl that believes she has to be in relationship and be taken care of to be happy. So I get to watch her either get excited by good things that he does or bummed out around the crummy behavior he has. I also get the opportunity to watch how the lower part in me might defend his poor behavior.
If I am dating consciously and watching myself like a hawk, I will learn a lot about my dysfunctional behaviors and how they might play out if I let them. So it’s a great opportunity for me to have my eyes wide open to how that lower part in me works.
Another thing about dating consciously is that when the typical things like unreturned texts or calls happen, you have the opportunity again to just stay neutral and not get entangled emotionally. Getting tangled emotionally may look like you thinking there is something wrong with you or that possibly you did something wrong or you’re not good enough, when actually when they don’t text or call back it has nothing to do with you. Think about all the practice you’re going to get around not taking things personally, not clinging to good feelings and resisting bad feelings.
My suggestion is to get out and date, don’t put on a show and be somebody you’re not and if there’s a connection great and if there is not that’s great too. Dating helps you to see into your soul’s deepest desires and biggest vulnerabilities.
As long as we are okay with being alone we will never sacrifice our desires just to be in relationship and not be alone. So next time you go on a date, really watch yourself and ask important questions, to see if you are a soulful fit with this person.
If you would like to get to know yourself better, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
Happy New Year!
“This retreat was definitely different than anything I’ve experienced before. The spiritual aspect of this retreat was really outstanding. It is hard to settle into the retreat because it throws a lot at you really fast, but I don’t have any regrets! I learned more in two days with Debra than I have with any therapist in weeks.”
“My experience with working with Debra during my online three-day intensive was incredible. I came to Debra lost, confused, and broken and after three short days I feel like she has guided me through uncovering my old beliefs and habits which have been detrimental to me and my relationships- particularly my relationship with my daughter. I now have a clear plan and path for addressing my emotions so that I can truly move forward in life and my relationships as my best self. Wish I had gone through this process years ago. Life is an easy but I now have the tools needed to bring a positive energy back to my world. Thank you, Debra”
“As soon as we began I knew this was the direction I was wanting to go. I felt Debra was spot on with where the feelings are coming from and truly gifted me with the tools to care for those feelings. She did such a great job at turning an ugly/hurt filled situation into a meaningful, purposeful, beautiful experience. I love the way I see and feel about myself, my mom and our relationship… Not only with each other, but with every body else in life. I can’t thank you enough, Debra. You are such a gift! I feel blessed to share in this experience.
