by Debra | Feb 26, 2018
How difficult is it to maintain a state of inner calm when the world seems to be falling apart?
We live in a world of high stimuli, both physically and emotionally. It isn’t easy to find the calm within. This has been one of my biggest learning’s, to let go, and surrender so that I can feel my inner calm. Life is going to be life, and what life looks like is many highs and many lows. It isn’t going to be relaxing and blissful all the time and hopefully isn’t chaotic all the time. We usually get a mix of both. The biggest challenge that we have is to allow an acceptance for the lows in our life and be able to remain calm during them.
When I am around people that have the ability to be calm during chaos, I notice that it helps my energetic field be calm. The worst part about not being able to maintain this place of peace when life isn’t peaceful, is that I make poor decisions from this state of nervousness. I make much better decisions when I am unruffled without adrenaline pumping through my body.
When we get knocked off balance by disturbing things that happen in our world, it will be hard for us to lean into a higher place being. Our thoughts are not reliable when we aren’t in our higher mind. When we are buying into that our safety is out there, it pushes fear inside of us. When we are in a state of fear, we will be making all of our decisions from a fear-based place, not a love based place.
When we can come into a composed state and locate that stillness within, we will live in our hearts more, thereby making our decisions from a totally different place. When we are able to do this it makes it so much simpler to show up for people when they are having difficulties in their life. If we are in a state of confusion and chaos, and someone comes to us for assistance, we will project all of our fear on to them therefore pushing them away. If someone comes to us in an emotional state and we cannot be with our own emotions, they will know energetically that we would not be able to show up for theirs.
I think it helps to just know that life is going to happen and that there are going to be struggles and to surrender to life being life. When we can surrender to whatever life is, it allows us to stay in a more serene place of being. If we realize that life isn’t always going to be sweet and cuddly, then we won’t get upset when it’s not.
by Debra | Feb 19, 2018
What will it take to be ready for love?
Do you have love in your life? Is it the love you want? Do you feel like it’s not enough? I hear from my married clients that their partners are not fulfilling them; they aren’t affectionate enough or present. When I hear this I usually ask them “are you fulfilling yourself, are you giving yourself all the love you deserve and are you present with yourself and other people?”
If we aren’t showing up for ourselves we will not bring in partner that we fulfill us. We must be sure that the qualities we want in a partner we have as well. If we don’t have specific qualities that we demand our partner to have, we will only bring in a relationship that is vibrating at the same level as we are.
I have a lot of single friends and I myself am single as well. Most of my friends are in pursuit of a partner. I know what it’s like to have a deep yearning to be in relationship. My practice today has been to surrender to how my life is now, no matter what it is, relationship or not!
A part of being ready for love is being okay if you’re not in partnership and look at your deep yearning for one. If you are yearning desperately for a relationship you may settle for someone that isn’t right for you. The biggest thing I have realized is that the love is already here, it’s the love I have for myself. If a partner isn’t in my life, then I’m not ready for the one I want.
I always find that it’s important to list the qualities you want in your partner and make sure you have those qualities. Also it’s important to ask yourself what could be keeping love away. Do you feel worthy of love, are you so picky that the perfect partner will never show up, or maybe you are scared of closeness. Do you have a core belief that you are unlovable?
Look deeply at yourself and how you love yourself and others. If you have old beliefs in the way, start to shift them. If your standards are over the top to high, analyze that. You must prepare the ground to bring in the love you so deserve and want. Without the preparation it will be tough to be open and receptive.
“I surrender to what is in my life”
by Debra | Feb 12, 2018
Let’s look at our actions, whether active or passive.
Everything in our life that comes to fruition is because of an action we either take or an action we don’t take. The thoughts we think, the words we speak and of course the actions we take contributes to how our life unfolds. All of our actions whether taken or not, affect not just our lives but also the lives of the people on the planet and the planet.
When you look at your life as it is now, it is because of some action or inaction that you have taken? Even when we decide not to take action our life unfolds a certain way because of that inaction. It’s important to be aware of the decisions that we do make in our life and how they may affect the end results.
You may be in a 25-year relationship that hasn’t been serving either one of you and yet you stayed. This is a perfect example of how inaction can create a negative outcome in our life. If we were always looking at what the outcome of our actions could be, we may decide to take a different path with her decision. It’s easy to do this when were thinking about actually taking a specific action in her life to get a certain outcome; the difficult part is the inaction. We tend to be in a more passive role with inaction.
An example would be the long-term relationship that wasn’t working out but you just stayed in it year after year. Inaction can be every bit as damaging as taking an action that isn’t in your best interest. Another example is possibly not voting this is considered inaction and we all know that when we don’t vote the outcome can still be very powerful and damaging. What about recycling, you are contributing if you don’t recycle to the negative effects that recycling has on the planet
So don’t fool yourself into believing that just because you didn’t participate that you didn’t contribute to the outcome. Take a look at your life and how you’re participating either actively or passively and see what changes you can make.
by Debra | Feb 5, 2018
Why are we so afraid of being honest with our self?
When we look at our life truthfully rather than sticking our head in the sand we keep things circulating. When things are moving forward we create a flow that keeps things moving in a more positive direction.
Most of us have experienced a time where we are withholding the truth either from others or ourselves. We often don’t share our truth with others because of how it may be received. They possibly will take it personally and get triggered instead of just allowing it to be our truth.
There are also many situations where we had a hard time confronting ourselves about the truth. This could be something as small as ignoring a home repair, or something more extreme like ignoring our bills. We may also not be able to face the truth in a relationship when someone close to us is pushing us away and we pretend that they’re not.
Usually the truth is staring us in the face, we just choose not to look at it.
Most of the time we avoid these truths because they’re very uncomfortable for us and they scare us. A lot of times we may not know what to do with the situation so we can pretend it’s not there.
One of the biggest parts of my personal retreats is all uncovering the sides of our self that are very uncomfortable, that we would prefer to not see. The hard part about ignoring these circumstances is that they are always there hanging out in an uncomfortable manner. They never go away until we face them head on and take care of business. It takes a strong person to face things and not run away.
Ultimately you cannot avoid the truth, no matter how difficult it is; so the sooner we jump in, the better. When we have an understanding for the truth we just accept it and do the best we can with the situation. This relieves so much stress in our lives. Staying awake and shining a light on areas we need to see in her life will help keep us stay in the flow of things instead of being blocked.
by Debra | Jan 29, 2018
Can we shift our attitude in the blink of an eye?
How easy is it for us to be totally excited and having a good time, when BOOM something happens to trigger us and we go sour. We know how fast our mood changes when something happens that rubs up against us the wrong way. So why can’t we change our mood back just as fast?
It seems that once we get triggered it takes us a while to return back to a peaceful place, when we were totally excited. Let’s take a look at some of the things we might be able to do to shift our attitude back to being blissful, a lot more quickly.
The first thing I do is pause and realize that I’ve been triggered and it’s not about the situation or person, it is coming from me. I make sure that I do not react in any way, which means I don’t say or take any action whatsoever. Even if I feel like a going to explode I do nothing. Because I know if I react in any way it’s not going to be pretty.
The next thing I do is give thanks for this opportunity to go deeper into knowing and healing myself. So instead of blaming the other person for whatever action they took, I immediately know is for my higher learning. This helps me put things into perspective and keeps me out of the blame game.
Then if I have a moment to go to a quieter place and explore what’s going on, I do. If I don’t have that luxury I make sure I tend to it when I get home. Which means I look at what old belief I am buying into that triggered me and then I do the work around it to do my healing. In my personal retreats you will learn how to shift from being triggered to being love. After learning and practicing this method you will notice that it becomes a more organic process and it is much more easy to shift from a triggered state to a loving state.
Okay maybe it’s not in a blink of an eye but it is certainly better than suffering in a triggered state for days. It does take practice and awareness. If you want to stop reacting and learn how to shift from fear to love, check out my personal retreats.
by Debra | Jan 22, 2018
Is changing your partner your job?
How many times do we enter into a relationship with the idea that we are going to change the behavior or fix the person we are with? I don’t believe we do it consciously, most of the time we do it unconsciously. When we go into relationship, we have this idea of what we want and then we proceed to try to fit them into our ideal.
This is a frustrating experience because people want to be who they are. People don’t want to be molded into something they aren’t, that somebody someone thinks is better. Who are we to judge how someone else should be? If someone doesn’t ask for our opinion or guidance, then what right do we have to give them direction on their life.
If we want to create an authentic relationship with people, we have to except them the way they are. If we have expectations of whom they should be and that person doesn’t meet those expectations we will be disappointed. An honest relationship is when we accept each other as the individuals that we are and find a way to share our life together.
When we try to change someone we are saying that we don’t accept them for who they are, that something is wrong with them. How do you think that might feel to your partner? When we accept people the way they are, things we like about them and things we don’t like about them, energetically the relationship feels lighter, and more loving pray.
Don’t let your fear ruin a relationship!
Something that I notice is when we accept people the way they are they have a tendency to be better equipped to look at their shadow side instead of defending it.
I find that people who are trying to change their partners do it because they’re afraid they won’t be able to stay in the relationship the way it is. So instead of picking the right partner or accepting the partner they have, they try to change them.
I believe that if something is bothering you about another person it’s an opportunity to go inside yourself and explore your triggers instead of projecting them outward. This is something we explore intensely in my couples retreat. Realizing part of your work is looking at your judgments and your shadow side.
by Debra | Jan 15, 2018
Why is disappointment so hard to handle?
Disappointment is such a part of life. We usually feel disappointment because we have an expectation of how things need to turn out and they don’t. When things don’t go as planned we may feel an entire range of emotions from being sad from the let down to even angry.
Whether we are feeling disappointed with ourselves, others or a situation that happens in life, it isn’t always easy to deal with. Knowing that we will be disappointed, that disappointment is just a part of life and that we have choices on how we can handle it, may help.
With all of our feelings, including disappointment it always comes to us to help us grow and learn more about ourselves. The more we are able to accept our feelings around this the faster we can process through it and move into a better place of being. When we are having any feelings, it is always good to sit with them and explore why they are coming up. I notice that when I do not process through my feelings I may project them onto others. And when I project them onto others, there is no learning and no healing.
I think writing how we felt about the situation not turning out the way we wanted it to and what did actually happen, helps us get back into alignment. I believe one of the biggest gifts from being disappointment is to realize that life doesn’t always play out the way we want it to. In many cases, if we really look at the situation, the outcome may be better for us than what are expectations were.
I know for me disappointment often leaves me feeling hopeless and for me to turn it around I have to accept the reality of life and let go of any expectations I might have. When I am facilitating my personal retreats I notice what people get hung up on most is expectations. The expectations of someone behaving the way they need them to, life to play out the way they need it to or bad things not to ever happen. This just isn’t reality. In my personal retreat we explore what disappointment looks like, whatever fears are and how to look at our self through the reality of life.
by Debra | Jan 8, 2018
Is this year going to be a year where you renew and reset or is it a year to keep going in circles?
Here we are at the start of a new year and asking ourselves once again what our resolutions are, what our intentions are or how we want to show up in the year to come.
Starting the year with a personal retreat can set the stage for powerful new beginnings or it can be a time of renewal. Either way it can be a complete reset. In my personal retreats we look at old patterns, old beliefs that are creating the life we are living. If we are not able to recognize how we are living through old childhood wounds, our life will keep showing up in nonproductive ways. When we are able to shift old patterns that have a grip on us, our life starts unfolding differently. We are able to start co-creating with the universe by healing old wounds, shifting beliefs and living a more blissful life.
The universe keeps setting up situations to allow us to heal, so if we don’t get it the first time around there will be many opportunities to do our work. I don’t know about you but I would like to be aware enough to at least work on it when it comes. If I’m not even sure what my old beliefs are then I will not be able to work through them and therefore will not be able to shift them.
I am not one for setting intentions for the year; I am more about doing a reset to see if I’m on the right track. My intentions are always to continue to stay awake so I can go deeper into my knowing of who I truly am, which is pure love, pure consciousness. I don’t need to set this intention at the beginning of the year because I bring it to the light in my practice every morning.
Each day offers an opportunity to renew and create with the universe for change. It’s so difficult to be in situations that you feel stuck in that you can’t seem to change but you really want to. Maybe you are exhausted trying to shift the situation and haven’t figured out how to. Even looking back it is tough to understand how the choices that we have made have created our current situation.
I find it impossible to change our behaviors without knowing what our old beliefs or old stories are. Knowing this information gives us the tools we need to be able to not buy into the old belief so we can start shifting patterns and behaviors.
by Debra | Jan 2, 2018
The difficult times in life, are just opportunities!
Every time something happens in my life that causes a constriction, the first thing I do is look at what my learning might be. I know how hard it is to maintain a positive attitude when things aren’t going our way. I know I used to believe that when bad things happen to me that God or Source didn’t love me. When things were going right for me I thought that maybe I had done something right and the universe was rewarding me.
Well those beliefs are long gone. I now know that it is through our tough times that we do our spiritual growth. God wants what’s best for us, which is our evolution; situations presented for our higher learning. Just as a young child, we do not benefit from getting everything we want, we benefit through difficulty because it helps us grow and learn. If we can remember this through those difficult times, the suffering won’t be as extreme.
The world is full of hardship and difficulty for a lot of human beings; we are not the only ones. The collective consciousness is shifting at a rapid pace and therefore can exacerbate whatever we are feeling. It does help to realize that the difficult times that we have are impermanent as well as the easy times. When we are feeling overwhelmed, letting ourselves know that this too will pass helps.
If your life has been full of nothing going right for a long period of time it’s not a bad idea to really examine your life and see if there’s changes that can be in made on a physical level to help. I always go inside first and look at my learning and do the healing necessary to shift my own beliefs and then I look at what I might be able to do on a physical level to shift things.
Just this week, my dryer, Jacuzzi, bathroom drain, vacuum and electrical circuit went awry, while I have been dealing with some physical issues as well. Now I could get pretty wiggy about all of this or I could go inside and look at what old beliefs I’m buying into about how I feel about it. Then of course I make the necessary calls to get things repaired and keep moving forward in my life.
These situations can either take me down or allow for growth in my life, my choice. I noticed when I don’t go inward when things like this happen I tend to go down the rabbit hole. So use these experiences as an opportunity to grow and evolve and no that this too will pass.
by Debra | Dec 26, 2017
Do you need a personal retreat for your renewal?
Allowing our self the time needed to rejuvenate, reflect and heal is always a powerful way to process our issues in our lives. The best way I know of to do this is to find a retreat that’s right for you. The minute we scheduled a retreat and our intentions are set to heal, the healing process begins. During a personal retreat you will learn to go deeper into yourself and your spirit.
We all experience the world differently because we have all experienced the world differently. It’s so important to pick a retreat that fits your needs and is right for you. When looking for a personal retreat first think about what it is you are looking for in a retreat. Are you looking for rejuvenation retreat to relax or are you looking for an intensive retreat where you get down to business and learn how to shift old patterns. After thinking about what it is you are looking for in the retreat then you can start searching.
A retreat is a time of serious soul-searching even if you’ve committed to a relaxing retreat. Things will still come up no matter what retreat you pick is part of the unfolding. Most retreats encourage going deep inside of yourself, and this can be uncomfortable if you aren’t prepared.
I find talking to the person that’s going to be facilitating the retreat important so you can get a feel for who they are. If anything uneasy comes up while talking to them, look at that. You are putting a lot of trust in the retreat facilitator and you need to feel safe. When we feel safe in a retreat it allows our heart to stay open which allows deep shifts to happen. Amazing healing and transformation can happen in the right environment during a personal retreat that will give us great insights to who we are.
I love doing retreats! Whether it is a individual, mother-daughter, or couples retreat, it’s wonderful to be in the presence of miracles happening.
by Debra | Dec 18, 2017
Happy Holidays!
I want to wish you a Happy Holiday Season. I am so grateful for you being in my life at all levels. Whether you are a client or a reader of my blogs to help you aide in your personal growth. I love that there is a growing community of people wanting to be the best version of them selves. I have learned so much about myself through mentoring and writing my blogs. I feel so fortunate that I am able to do what I love while grow my awareness around my own life. Thank you for being in my life. Now here is a gift to you on how to keep your sanity during the holiday season.
The tools that you learn in my personal retreats help you create a stress free environment not only during the holidays but in your everyday life as well. The major stress creator is when our inner child gets triggered and we are unable to sit with the feelings around it. When were not able to sit with the feelings our ego mind comes in and takes action to make the feelings go away. The problem with this is that the ego doesn’t actually fix the problem it makes the problem worse.
Let’s take a holiday situation and see what I’m talking about. You are with your family enjoying the day and one family member makes a comment about something you did that bothered them. If you can explore the feelings that are coming up for you and not act out of them through the ego mind, the situation usually diffuses. It’s only when your ego mind starts to defend your behavior or turning it back on them that the fire with the situation really gets going. So just saying to that person “that’s an interesting way to see things.” Then you say nothing more and go about your day.
Maybe go into another room and let your ego know that that is not the way you see things as well and then sit a bit with your feelings of maybe anger, hurt or what ever they are.
The holiday season is always a time of great pleasure and a time of distress. Keep an eye out for your reactions to situations because it will be a wonderful time of important learning if you don’t let your ego mind run wild.
Our families are our biggest teachers, if we choose to look at our feelings and not act out of them!
by Debra | Dec 11, 2017
Meditation and breathing have become a critical part of my personal retreats because of the advantages they produce.
In my personal retreats a very important element is meditation. There are many different ways to meditate. Some of my favorites are transcendental meditation; verbalizing a mantra or primordial sound, diaphragm breathing or focusing on an item and bringing your mind back to your breath whenever it is thinking or visualization meditation.
The benefits of meditation:
- Reduces stress
- Improves concentration
- Slows aging
- Create a healthy lifestyle
- Increases self-awareness
- Increases joy and happiness
- Benefits cardiovascular and immune health
- Increases patience
- Helps with sleep
- Increases energy
- Aids in digestion
- Better circulation
These are just a few advantages of deliberate reflection. One of the meditations I like and believe to be one of the most beneficial is concentrating on our breathing. While we are breathing making sure we are breathing from our diaphragm not our chest. I have been reading a lot about the benefits of oxygen in our system and what I noticed was that I was breathing wrong probably 50% of the time.
Breathing properly allows for proper oxygen flow, so during meditation it’s important to pay attention to your breathing, making sure your breathing through your diaphragm not your chest. If you have been breathing through your chest it will take some time to train yourself to breathe your diaphragm. The benefits of meditating while breathing through our diaphragm are twofold. We will get all the benefits of meditation and also get the benefits of creating more oxygen in our system.
In many of my retreats teaching meditation is a critical part to calming the nervous system down so that my client can be in a more relaxed state to see her situation. Meditation along with learning how to breathe properly supports a healthy, happy life. My personal retreats will help you create a more peaceful life.
