What would it look like to be more connected to yourself and your partner?
Something I hear from clients a lot is that they want a deeper relationship with their partner or they aren’t willing to go into a relationship unless it offers some depth.
I personally have been in a few relationships that were fun and I learned a lot about myself, but they weren’t holy. I love what Marianne Williamson says about the Holy relationship.
Relationships are hospitals for the sole. Stuff comes up when we are unhealed. Can we be better versions of ourselves? Can we have compassion? Relationships are assignments for maximum growth. A holy and wholey relationship you take responsibility for yourself. In a wholey relationship you all ready know you are complete in who you are. Sometimes they have the most to teach us.
I love this because what it is saying is that if I am whole as a person, owning my own woundedness and triggers, and know that I am okay without a partner, then and only then can I enter into a holy relationship.
The purpose of relationship is to evolve, to grow to become the best version of yourself. Primary relationships bring up all of our unhealed wounds. If we aren’t willing to look at our self and do the work necessary, it will be impossible to take it to the next level in a relationship. The intensity of being in partnership may be way too much if you haven’t done the basic work on your self. If you have been working a bit on yourself it will be easier to do the work while in a partnership.
I have worked with many couple in my Couples Retreat where one partner has done a fair amount of work and the other hasn’t and the retreat helps them shift into doing more work on themselves and therefore being able to do deeper work together.
Just being in relationship brings up all of our deep trauma because that’s what Spirit wants for us. Spirit wants us to become wholey and heal, so if you are in a relationship that pushes your buttons, that’s where you need to be. Everything in our life is for the purpose of healing.
If you are in a relationship where you have conflict or you’re just not connecting, my couples retreat may be a great opportunity for you both to do your individual work and your deeper work as a couple.
When we step back and do our spiritual work first to get the answers, the answers will come from love and it usually is a win win situation.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the situation that it’s hard to get the answers we need while swirling around in the drama. Have you ever been in a situation where you’re in this fight or flight and you can’t see the forest through the trees? This is what happens when we put our attention on the situation instead of going inside with our feelings.
Most of the time it takes us stepping outside of the situation, and just breathing to really see what’s going on. There are always signals whether it be mental, emotional or physical that let us know that we need to slow down, stop and look at what’s going on with inside and not the outside.
I find it impossible to figure things out when I am in the emotional drama of the situation. It’s only when I relax and check in with how I’m feeling, how that inner child is feeling and tend to those feelings before I can look at the outside situation with any maturity.
The first thing I do is to check in with that little girl and her feelings and then I hold her and validate those feelings. I also look at the old beliefs that are attached to those feelings and let her know that those old beliefs are simply not true. Whether it is that I’m not safe in the world, I’m not good enough or I’m not in control. When I have allowed the feelings to be there and nurtured that part of myself I notice a calm come in. It is only after I do this part that I can really look at any situation from my higher more mature self.
If you do not have a daily practice that reminds you to check in with this part of yourself daily, you will go on autopilot and just act out of that fight or flight place which is your ego mind. If we are acting out of that ego mind we will usually cause a bit of a shit storm.
If I’m in the habit of checking in with myself through my emotional body first I am more apt to not act out my frenetic ego mind that is in a panic. After I have calmed the emotional body down I will be able to make these decisions from a more peaceful place inside me.
Learning how to be a good man first at Sedona Soul Retreats, might be a good start.
As parents or grandparents do we have a responsibility to teach boys certain things to guarantee they develop into good men? It’s funny because a friend of mine has 2 boys and I remember thinking how lucky she was not to be raising girls, like me. Now, when I think about the responsibilities of raising boys in this environment that we live in, it seems like a bigger task. I mentor teens and parents and I’m shocked at the lack of guidance there is around boys.
As parents you don’t just have the worry about getting a girl pregnant, you should be concerned with how he is learning how to honor and respect women. With the political situation the way it is today, I’m afraid that boys are learning more about using girls than respecting them.
This is a call out to anyone influencing young boys, whether it is parents, grandparents, educators, or mentors, we have to know our responsibilities to the boys, especially fathers or other male role models.
We need your help to raise up good, respectful boys. I challenge you to look at where you might have opportunities to influence a young boy. If you are thinking that I should also be addressing young girls, well, I do, with every blog that I write. It is mostly guiding teen girls. Even though I don’t market to boys or men, I see a fair amount of them and I know how important they are.
Here are some key points to raising conscious, respectful, self-aware boys.
Teach Them:
What the importance of a relationship is.
How special girls/women are.
How special people are.
How their behaviors affect the world.
How to communicate face to face.
How sacred sex is.
How to honor and treat girls with respect.
Ask them what they want in life and how they are going to achieve it.
Respect yourself!
These tips could also be directed at girls. I would have never thought that I would see such a gap between my daughters age 40 and teens, but there is. Possibly the biggest gap there has ever been. I believe parents and educators are totally baffled by what to do with educating teens on life skills because it feels like it has gone past the point of no return.
It’s going to take the conscious adults to get busy and guide these teens and for parents to start setting limits, even though none of the other parents are willing to. I feel like this is a serious matter and will only get worse if we don’t address it. So, I am hoping that anyone with influence will take a stand.
Do you know yourself well enough to listen to your Inner Knowing, This is the essence of my work during your Sedona Retreat with me.
As long as I can remember, I have had this inner feeling of knowing. It has taken me a long time to learn how to tune into this place and listen. I used to get the feeling inside my body of just being off and instead of tuning in and seeing where that awfulness came from I would just make a decision without going inward.
We have inside of us this wisdom that we could not unlearn if we wanted to, although we need to learn how to tap into this knowing. If we could just be present with how we are feeling at every given moment we would find our answers right inside of us. The problem is that if we are on autopilot, moving through our day without tapping into that inner knowing we will be making all of our decisions from an unconscious place.
It is so important that we value this wise place our self.
This inner knowing is never swayed by outside influences, which means it will never ask us to go against our value system. Usually when we have an uneasy feeling inside, looking at that feeling and where it comes from we will see that a decision is on the table that might be out of alignment with who we are. We have this beautiful barometer right inside of us in regards to our life, it’s just sometimes we don’t utilize it.
When we are unsure about a decision we have to make, trusting someone, or knowing how we should respond to someone, we can find the answers right inside of us. If we can just get still for a moment and go inward it’s amazing how clear things are.
I Remember when I was in my 20s and early 30s how I would always turn to others to help me make decisions in my life. Not just big decisions but a lot of my decisions. It wasn’t until I learned to sink into this inner knowing and start making those decisions through that place instead of on my own or by listening to someone else.
In my Sedona retreat, I will teach you how to know yourself so well that it will be natural to allow that inner knowing to step in and make decisions. When we start listening to this inner knowing the world opens up to us in a more expansive way and we can recognize our true potential in this life.
How often are you having regret and would like to learn about it in a Sedona Retreat?
How many things in your life can you look back on a say “If I would have done that differently, it would have been way better?” If you would have sold your house a year earlier, bought investment property when the market was low, communicated better on a previous relationship, or maybe not spent money on a certain item. The list can go on and on.
When we live in regret we are living in the past. It doesn’t leave room for being in the present moment at all. It is tough enough to have enough energy to be here in this moment without constantly having the past nag us. If we are always giving energy to a past experience, we won’t have much to give to the present moment.
Forgiveness is key to letting go of regret. If we can forgive others and our selves, we won’t have anything to regret. Forgiving our self for not knowing about the market to make better financial decisions, forgiving our self for our communication skills not being the best and understand that we are human, living in an unpredictable life. Always giving ourselves some leeway to make mistakes and learn from them, knowing we will.
This way regret looks different. It looks more like gratitude for a learning to move forward in a more conscious way in the future. We can see it differently. Instead of something that happened that was bad, it could be an experience to teach us. Once we have learned from it, we can go on to help others learn from similar situations.
I think it’s important to always be looking at what our mind is telling us. Usually it is her mind that is caught up in regret. In my Sedona retreat you will learn how to forgive, how to eliminate regret and how to live in the present moment. By keeping our mind in this moment and not in the past or the future allows us to have enough energy for our physical and emotional healing and well being in this moment.
Are you stronger than we think or are you hanging on by a thread?
Just when we think we can’t take it anymore, life pushes us a little further and we come out the other end. We all have times in her life where we feel like we couldn’t possibly handle anymore and we can’t go on. Sometimes after just making it over a huge obstacle we find another one waiting for us. We barely have time to catch our breath before moving on to the next hurdle.
When I look back on the trials and tribulations of my own life I realize what a strong person I am. In this moment of looking back I have the opportunity of seeing these trials and tribulations as either tough times just to make it through or opportunities for growth. It is easy to become a victim when we look at how tough our lives are. If we don’t shift our perspective, how we see things, life can seem way too challenging.
In my Sedona retreat we actually use lives challenges to shift old beliefs to do our inner healing. It’s just a different way of looking at the hardships of life. The tougher the experiences are, the grander the opportunity will be to grow. If we choose to be victims through our hardships the opportunity for growth will be lost. It is only in our using life’s experiences that we will have the chance to heal.
If we are paying attention to every situation in the present moment a breakthrough will be more likely. If we are asleep in life tough things happen to us, we see our self as a victim, and so goes the vicious circle. Life will keep delivering us exactly what we need to do our healing so when we are asleep and not paying attention it will have to deliver the same lessons over and over again.
It is through all of these experiences that we gain strength and become more empowered. It would’ve been easy for me going through what I went through as a child and young adult to see life as cruel and way too hard to handle. And if I had that mindset I would have been a very disempowered person. It is only through seeing things as a chance to heal, which gave me the opportunity to become empowered.
This isn’t saying that life is a piece of cake. Life can be tough and we need to have compassion and loving-kindness for ourselves in each of these moments.
In my Sedona Retreat you will learn how to response from a place of pease and not react from your ego mind. Have you ever heard the phrase “That which you resist persists?” When we resist we actually strengthen what we are opposing. We give power to the very thing we are trying to get away from.
Have you ever noticed how sometimes the same issue we have, keeps coming back over and over no matter how much we pretend like it’s not there. Or maybe it’s because we are pushing up against that issue that keeps returning. So not only does what we resist gain strength and power but the resistance keeps us from learning what we are intended to learn from the experience.
We have two different paths we can take when something comes into our energetic field that makes us being resistance. The first one is allowing our unconscious mind to translate what’s happening in the outer world, listening to our ego mind and act out of what it tells us to do. For a short moment we have relief but then end up feeling bad and anxious.
The second way is to pause, take a deep breath, watch our thoughts, let go of the story of our thoughts, let the thoughts pass, allow the feelings to arise, let the feelings pass and respond in a non-triggered way.
The latter of these two examples allows us to heal what we are resisting; where-as the first option keeps it coming back. In my individual Sedona retreat you will learn how to take each experience in your life and surrender and heal by making better choices and not resisting.
Surrendering is all about slowing down, pausing, breathing and paying attention to what our storyline is and realizing it’s our ego mind and not to act out of it. If we are on autopilot daily and not paying attention to our thoughts, we will get triggered and act out. Most people don’t even realize how much the reacting and not responding through surrendering. This is why coming to my Sedona retreat will help you maintain a place of calm and peace.
Are you thinking about doing a Sedona retreat with your adult daughters, yourself or your partner?
What happens with mothers and daughters through the teenage years when issues don’t get resolved in the best fashion? I know that the work I do with moms and their teenage daughters is extremely powerful for not just the relationship but also the way that the teen shows up in life. When there are unresolved issues throughout the teenage years, it can leak into the adult years and ruin the adult mother daughter relationship. I have had many adult daughters reaching out to me wanting to heal their relationship with their mothers.
The work I do with adult daughters as opposed to teenagers is completely different. Teenagers are still in the wounding pattern and not ready for healing. I can do amazing work with teenagers on helping with their self-esteem, how to manage their life, and how to negate the negative voice inside their head. When it comes to the work I do with the adult daughters and mothers, it is very advanced and goes very deep. This work will not only help them with the relationship with their mother but will also help them with all relationships in their life.
I just wrapped up an adult daughter and mother retreat that was so life changing. The daughter admitted that she was only coming because she thought her mother needed the work and not her. Here is her testimonial after the retreat.
When my mom signed us up for this retreat, I initially was only doing it for her benefit. I knew we had difficulty getting along, but I thought she was the one who needed to change in order to better our relationship. In just three days, however, I realized that was the furthest thing from correct. Debra really opened up my eyes to how we all contribute to every unhealthy relationship we have, and I started to see things differently with not only my mom but my whole outlook on life. There were times when I was skeptical of trying her method, but Debra was always calm and let me work at my own pace. When I didn’t understand the concept completely, she was able to explain things in a way that both my mom and I understood. The whole weekend was life changing and I recommend it for anyone who is interested in bettering their life in any aspect. Debra is an amazing person and very accommodating to every situation. Whether you are in a difficult spot or just want to learn more about yourself, I don’t think there is anyone who wouldn’t extremely benefit from this retreat.
– Darrian
The work that I do is extremely powerful and life changing. If you are looking for a Sedona retreat, whether it is for just yourself, you and your daughter, or you and your partner, Sedona Soul Retrieval is a great option for sustainable shifts.
In a Sedona Soul Retreat you can see how pain might be your teacher.
Is both emotional and physical pain a reminder to slow down, pay attention and look at what is going on in our life? It’s interesting how with both physical and emotional pain we immediately go to this place of making it stop. We are a culture of looking at the symptom and fixing it. Instead of going inside and looking at why we have this emotional or physical pain.
If we look at what Louise Hay says about a headache, invalidating the self, self-criticism or fear, then instead of rushing to take aspirin to relieve the headache we may want to go a little deeper into the underlying reasons. Another interesting thing she says is abut coughing being a desire to bark at the world “See me! Listen to me!”
This gives us insight into why we might get headaches or why we might be coughing or any other illness that we have physically. And when it comes to our emotional pain we also want to run from it and not feel it. But our emotional pain gives us insight into what wounding we have that needs to be healed. If we are extremely sad because we just had a breakup with her partner we might not want to mask these feelings with staying busy, drinking or otherwise medicating. We may want to go into what our true feelings are which may be feeling separate, lonely, or not connected to source or ourselves.
I remember when I broke up with a partner; I had such a feeling of aloneness, of being separate and detached. I realized that I had been feeling this most of my life because of my childhood. Instead of running from these feelings and filling my days with anything to not feel it, I decided to sit with it and feel it and love and embrace it. I moved through the feelings of not being connected to source and came out feeling a deep connection.
It’s so important when we have physical aliments or emotional feelings to go inward and to see what they are trying to tell us. I find this so important to do. It might be a good idea to journal about it. If you have a spiritual teacher she may be able to help you understand this deeper.
There are so many spiritual things to do in Sedona
Sedona is a spiritual hub for healing. The land alone has active healing properties. If you are looking for spiritual things to do in Sedona you won’t be lacking. There are mystic land tours, vortex tours, crystal healing massages, psychic readings, and any other mind body spirit modality is available to you.
I offer an amazing soul retrieval where you go deep into your past wounds, bring understanding to them and start the healing process. The work that I bring to people allows for sustainable shifts. I know a lot of the programs make you feel wonderful while you’re in them and maybe a week after but usually old patterns start creeping in. I believe that the psycho-spiritual therapy is what gets to the core and unwinds limiting beliefs to allow us to move forward with healthier beliefs. And then if you add cranial sacral, massages, getting on the land or other modalities it is an added benefit and helps the healing process.
Our minds are what make us suffer so if we are not working to shift our minds through shifting our negative belief system, it won’t matter how much were on the land how many massages we get or any other modality for that matter, we probably won’t shift.
It is our ego minds belief that completely gets us twisted in the drama of life situations. If it weren’t for ego minds, we would see each situation as a neutral event that wasn’t happening to us. Our ego tells us that everything is about us and that we need to change the situation or people to feel better. When we are looking outside of ourselves to feel better this will bring added suffering. Life is life and not everything is rosy in life. We need to work with our mind to be okay with life’s ups and downs so that we are not low when something that we view as negative happens or extremely high when something we view is good happens.
Imagine if we could see all of life’s experiences as opportunities for us to go deeper into ourselves and learn more about ourselves, instead of out of control tragedies.
Is our heart our home, Sedona Soul Retreats is a great way to deeper into yourself.
Does the brain rule the heart? Spiritual teachers and now science has found evidence that that points to the heart as our home of consciousness. I am currently reading Untethered Soul by Michael Singer for the second time, he that talks about pure consciousness and how it is the observer of everything. Pure consciousness is the observer of our body, which encompasses our brain and our heart.
Some believe that the consciousness is in our heart, while others believe that our pure consciousness is the observer of everything, organs, body, and mind. It feels right to me when there is a trigger in my life and I feel it in my heart, it is because my mind is attaching to a certain belief. When I put myself in the seat of the observer, pure consciousness, where I can be impartial. When my emotions get hooked, its tough for me to see the situation for what it really is.
I know that my heart lets me know what I am feeling sometimes, and my stomach is also a good indicator of an upset. But this is after a trigger that these areas get engaged. If I am the observer, pure consciousness and I’m really good at that, I would see the situation as just a neutral event and not get triggered at all. This is my goal for sure but not always what happens.
In my Sedona Soul Retreats, you will learn to recognize your triggers and be better equipped to step back and see things from this place in you as the observer. You will have a deeper understanding of how your shadow side operates, how to be the observer and not take damaging actions that expand your ego mind. You will start to make better decisions for yourself, love yourself more and create healthier relationships with others.
A Soul Retrieval could be added to your list of things to do in Sedona!
There are so many things to do in Sedona that are both entertaining and healing. If you want to go on a land adventure, there are jeep tours, land tours, Segway tour, hiking and swimming in the creek. If you are looking for healing, Sedona is also an amazing place to come for transformation.
Sedona has 15-20 powerful energy vortexes – giant magnets of earth energy concentrated in a specific locations, each with specific patterns, rhythms, and qualities. When enough spiritual phenomena occur at one locale, ancient people eventually recognized it as a “sacred” place. Sacred site experts note the presence of fault lines, volcanic activity, an abundance of subsurface water, and concentrations of mineral ores at so-called sacred places, as well as noting centuries of ceremonial activity – all of which describe Sedona.
This is why Sedona is a perfect place to heal.
I do 2-5 hour Soul Retrievals for people looking to powerfully shift their lives and get to know themselves more deeply, to understand their reactions more clearly, and live with more passion, love and light in their lives.
Even if you were coming to Sedona for a vacation, it would be a great experience for yourself or for you and your partner. A Soul Retrieval journey is an opportunity to shift your perceptive quickly, and have sustainable results. Once you have shifted it is impossible to see things the same way you once did. You will understand why blaming the outside situations or people leave you in a powerless place, forgiveness is key to your healing, and how letting your mind call all the shots is a crazy place to live.
Once you start seeing things through the eyes of your pure Consciousness/higher self, things will look completely different. You will see how you attach to the emotions of situations and allow them to take you down the rabbit hole instead of watching the situation and yourself.
This isn’t an easy thing to master but my Soul Retrievals put you in a great space to clear, practice and learn. There are so many people who come through Sedona looking to be on a vacation and be entertained. What if along with your vacation you could experience transformational healing as well?
