Why would you use your mother daughter relationship to grow?
The mother-daughter relationship is our biggest opportunity for waking up and growing. We have two relationships in our life for optimum growth possibilities; the first one is the mother-daughter relationship and the second one is with our primary partner. Both of these relationships offer the greatest chance for us to break old patterns and shift.
When I work with couples and mother daughters, the retreats are so profound. When two people understand the work and do it together the transformations are epic. When they recognize what their wounding is, and how they projected onto each other, it helps them shift more rapidly. When both parties are practicing the work together they are actually able to be clearer because the other person is holding them accountable. It is hard to bust ourselves when we are acting out of our old beliefs, so when we have a partner that is able to see our actions and help us see it with love, the possibility for change is way more probable.
Quite often when I work with individuals their partners see a significant change in them so they end up coming to me in a couples retreat because the husband wants to have them shifts himself. The mother-daughter retreats help both the mother and daughter relate to each other in a completely different way. Instead of relating through their wounded inner child they are connecting with each other through their higher more mature self.
I have seen many mother-daughters’ come to me with arms folded, not speaking to each other and leave holding each other and smiling. It truly is a beautiful process to be a part of.
We all have wounding and old beliefs. If we do not do the healing of these inner child wounds, we will act out of them. The biggest places they show up are in our most important relationships. Looking at your triggers and exploring your limiting beliefs with your important relationships or any situation is the greatest opportunity for growth.
If you are looking to grow through your relationships in your life, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
Learning to not react from our triggers, can be a life savers!
It’s amazing how fast we react when we get triggered. If we are not constantly being the observer and watching ourselves the heat of the trigger can hijack us. It doesn’t matter if the feelings are anger, fear or sadness if we get hijacked because of our old belief system there is no healing there is only an expansion of the lower self.
If we get taken away by our triggers and into the story, we may find ourselves seeking revenge, isolating or just simply reacting to our emotional body in some way. All of these behaviors put us out of alignment and make us feel unbalanced.
It’s going to be very hard to recognize and handle your reactions if you’re not in a daily practice of being conscious. It’s important to pay attention in each moment what the universe is setting up for us for our higher learning. When we get triggered it’s just an opportunity to go deeper into our learning.
If possible, you need to recognize the trigger immediately and take two big deep breaths relaxing your body and relax your heart, this allows you a little bit of distance between the trigger and your emotions. It’s a chance to look at what old beliefs you are buying into. A few common old limiting beliefs are; I’m not good enough, I’m always doing something wrong, I’m inadequate, I’m not lovable.
When we scratch up against our limiting beliefs we get an emotional reaction, it’s critical that we observe what’s going on instead of being it. I love what Michael Singer of the Untethered Soul says about watching a movie. You know you’re not in the movie you know that you’re watching it, is the same with our life. Can you be the observer of your life and watch it instead of being it? When we get triggered we get sucked into our old beliefs and then we react. It’s important to just recognize that the trigger is simply rubbing up against our old beliefs that aren’t the truth.
Create a daily practice of observing this part of yourself wrapped up in the old beliefs that you have. Start the morning by setting an intention to notice when you’re acting out of your lower self and at the end of day with seeing where you fell down.
If you are looking for support around being more conscious, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
Do you feel run down when you do your emotional process?
Sometimes I notice that when I am deep in my emotional work that I started to feel a little achy, like I have the flu. Sometimes it shows up with a headache or just fatigue. I will often think that I am coming down with something when actually it’s just detoxing from my emotional process.
It is important to recognize these symptoms and go deeper into the feelings of possible sadness, anger, or hopelessness. This is a very natural part of any cleansing process whether it is emotions or a physical. When we do our deep inner work many times we will have flulike symptoms. When we explore our emotions and old belief systems it often prompts deep shifts and external changes that may affect our bodies.
When our bodies start to feel tired because of this inner-process it is a call to action to take a break, relax and just allow these feelings and process to take place. It’s always good during these times to not push ourselves physically and just listen to our bodies and honor the process so that we can have breakthroughs.
When you notice that you aren’t feeling good, stay connected to your inner work and continue to move through it but also make sure you have extra downtime and get enough sleep. You’re going to want to support your body with nourishing foods plenty of water and more relaxation.
It’s important during this time to practice surrendering and letting go, sometimes holding on or resisting keeps us stuck in our process and that is where the body may start having symptoms of illness.
This is a natural process and getting to the other side feels very freeing both emotionally and physically.
If you are looking for support around your emotional work, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
What does it look like to get out of other peoples business and deal with your own?
Our biggest problem with our personal growth is that we stick our nose in other peoples business instead of staying in our own lane and paying attention to what’s going on inside of us.
When something comes up and we get triggered, our first reaction is to look outside of our self and fix it. If our partner does something that triggers us, we look at how we can change his or her behavior to make us feel better. This leaves us in a place of having to change outside interferences to feel better inside of our self. Impossible quest!
This is the first and biggest mistake we make in handling our feelings. If we look outside of our self to feel better, we expand our old beliefs; miss the learning, lose the connection to our higher self and our self.
Stay in your own lane!
When a trigger comes up it’s very hard to not blame others for how we feel and put the responsibility on them to make us feel better. The problem with this behavior is that we are in the wrong place, in the wrong lane. If we are feeling something, it has nothing to do with someone else; they didn’t do anything to us.
The only way to do your healing is to except full responsibility for your own feelings and make it an inside job. As you bring it inside of you, breathe and relax your whole body. As your body starts to release, then relax your heart. Stay out of the story line of what happened and only allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Just be with the feeling and breathe and relax and let go and imagine the feeling releasing from your body.
If you do this every time you have a trigger, you will begin to heal your wounds from the past instead of creating more. Bring it in and heal, instead of projecting it outward and creating more.
It’s a beautiful process but sometimes can be tough, but it’s not as tough as the frenetic energy of your trigger when it’s projected outside of you.
If you are looking at how to do your personal work without drama, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
It’s amazing how good I feel while hanging out by the creek, hiking in the mountains or simply walking barefoot in the grass. As amazing as I feel when I’m close to nature, I’m always so shocked by how hard it is for me to get to it.
Our lives are so busy with working, family schedules and other obligations that we become completely disconnected from the earth. Unless of course you have a job that is outside, which most of us don’t.
Spending time in nature helps us connect to other living beings besides humans and connect and be nurtured by mother Earth. Something I notice while being in nature is how connected I feel to myself. How grounded I feel as I experience the creek, the red rocks of Sedona and again even my front yard because I have grass.
Even if you live in a big city there are simple ways you can connect to nature. One of the simplest ways is to just look up at the sky and take a deep breath and connect with the clouds, the sun and the sky. Experience feeling the cool or warm air on your face or maybe just smell a flower as you’re walking down the street.
Anything we can do to connect us with nature feeds our soul. Every time we connect with nature and it feeds our soul it reminds us that we are completely connected with everything and everyone. When we feel connected, feelings of loneliness tend to be lighter.
Pay attention every time you walk outside even if it’s just to go to your car and drive somewhere. Look at nature around you and connect to it. I have a lot of plants inside my house that brings nature inside. If you live in the city where there isn’t a lot of trees or nature, look at getting foliage for the inside of your house. The mere fact that I know my plants are alive, while I’m watering them connects me to them in nature.
Slowdown, pay attention and connect with nature in any way that is possible for you.
If you are looking at doing a personal retreat, couples or mother daughter retreat in one of the most beautiful places in the world, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
Creating a sanctuary in your home for your own happiness.
I have always been a big believer in making our home a place that is relaxing, comforting and a sanctuary. A few things that you can do to make your home and oasis is: first and foremost decorating your personal space to your liking. If you are surrounded by objects you don’t like or resonate and simple don’t like, it has an affect on your psyche. So it is very important to be surrounded by things you love and enjoy. This is just one simple thing you can do.
It also helps to be organized and comfortable in their home because it has a very calming effect on you and everyone that comes into your home. I noticed that when things are a little unorganized even in my office I tend to feel out of alignment. I know that this can be difficult when you have younger children and animals in your home, but I feel that it’s really important.
Soft lighting and colors that are soothing like purples, greens and blues can also make your home feel warm. Aromatherapy is another way of bringing a calm into your home with lavender and other scents that make you feel tranquil. Music with a rhythm that stays constant instead of something that jumps all over the place also helps. Other peaceful sounds like chimes and fountains also create a serene environment.
Be aware of the energy that your furniture could possibly be holding as well. Sometimes when furniture is used it may be bringing in the energy from past owners and you might need to smudge it or clear it any other way that you can. I think smudging your home regularly and burning incense is also a way of making your home feel more like a sanctuary.
Whatever it is that you do to feel good in your home is important, but the most important thing to remember is to keep your mind calm and create a sanctuary inside yourself as well.
If you are looking at how you might create a more serene environment within your home and mind, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
Retreats can be a great time to go inward, renew and gain a new perspective. It allows us to go deeper into ourselves so that we can emerge in a whole new way. It’s important for us to just stop and step away from the busyness of our world so that we can gain a new awareness of what’s going on.
Vacations don’t hold the same strength as retreats do because on vacations we are still in a mode of doing not being. During the retreat we have time to rest, reflect, heal and renew.
The retreats that I offer, whether it is an adult mother-daughter retreat, a couple’s retreat, or an intensive individual retreat, will allow you to reflect on your life and reawaken to your passion and purpose. My retreats help you connect with your inner self and heart, so you can start to live your life in a more authentic way.
Being on retreat allows you to pull away from family issues, the Internet, relationships and deadlines you may have so that you can go into a quiet place to reflect. Reflecting on our feelings and being able to release them will help us live our life in a more directed and creative way.
With all of my retreats you will have enough time to be with yourself and reflect while also having the guidance of moving through tough issues you’re having. I think going into a silent retreat is wonderful when we have a firm grasp on what old beliefs are running our lives. If you are still in a place where you have drama from your past a silent retreat will only bring temporary relief.
It’s important to remove our blocks so that we might be able to go into a place of silence with more peace. Going into a silent retreat without this would be like trying to take a nap while 10 kids are playing in your napping area. Probably not going to happen!
If you are looking at moving through some tough issues to get to a clear more peaceful place, check out my retreats. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
Most of the time we are in a slow growth process when it comes to our evolution. Every once in a while we have bursts of breakthroughs that seem like we shift on a dime. But most commonly it’s a slow, gradual process.
Because it is a slower process it’s hard to recognize the changes that we made in our lives. But it’s very important to do check in’s to see where we are at. This is why I love journaling so much because I get to look back and see where I was and where I am.
When we bring intention into our process and recognize how far we’ve come and celebrated it, it actually compounds the growth and makes the shifts even bigger. Most often when I bring my attention into the growth that I have just experienced it really cements the learning.
It’s important to look at your life as the observer seeing how your life differs from one moment to the next and how your growth has expanded. I think it’s great to create lists or journal about the progress that we’ve made either with our spiritual growth or even physical world. Maybe we’ve had progress with our job, or our workout regime or our eating habits. It’s nice to acknowledge our progress.
We continuously change as we evolve. Our attitudes, our opinions, our values can even be different, so it’s nice to notice our differences and also be open to accept that we have more to learn.
Giving yourself credit for how far you’ve come is an important part of our growth. When I work with clients for long periods of time I noticed that they don’t remember where they were and they have a feeling of being stuck until I bring attention to where they were and how much they’d shifted. A lot of times just being in the day-to-day situations, we forget how far we’ve come.
Our evolution is a fact of life and needs to be celebrated. Knowing that we are wiser, and more grounded than we were and that we will continue to grow is powerful. By recognizing our growth we build a strong foundation to continue to grow in the future.
If you would like to explore shifting and evolving in a powerful way, check out my retreats. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
When we aren’t looking at and understanding our childhood wounding so we can process through them, they will start becoming part of our personality.
Some of our personality quirks are actually coming from our reactions to our unhealed childhood wounding. It actually seems that it is a part of who we are and how we see the world. When we get triggered and react from our woundedness, this is not who we are, this pain is something that we need to acknowledge and process through.
The longer we wait to process through these triggers the more they become a part of our personality and our life becomes more explosive. Instead of waiting for this to happen, we can become empowered by going into the pain, being with it and recognizing it’s not about the situation, it’s about healing the old wounds.
Going inside and sitting with our feelings brings up a lot of resistance for most people. It’s not easy to look at why were triggered and bring it into ourselves instead of projecting it outside of ourselves. There’s something about projecting it outside of ourselves that gives us a little bit of relief for short period of time. The problem with this is that it keeps coming back so that we can heal it instead of project it.
When we carry those hurts inside of us and don’t heal them, it becomes a life sentence of pain. It takes a lot of bravery and dedication to do the work instead of projecting it outside of our self and reacting all over everybody else. If we can do this we will save ourselves a lot of suffering in the future.
The best way to heal your wounds is first you have to acknowledge your trigger and where the trigger is coming from. Then look at your old belief attached to it, then sit with the pain instead of run from it and begin to shift the old belief. It sounds easier than it is to actually do. It is a process that again takes an extreme amount of dedication.
If you would like to explore healing your wound and shifting your old beliefs , check out my retreats. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
Do you practice non-attachment with your adult daughter?
The toughest challenges, as a mother is to allow our kids to be who they are. Looking at our attachments around what we want our kids to be is extremely confusing. Part of successful parenting depends on our love and guidance for children; unfortunately this is done mostly with an attachment to the outcome. So how do we love our children and guide our children while letting go of our expectation of how they need to be.
How do we love and guide them and let go at appropriate times, while practicing nonattachment. As our children grow up and become independent our attachment to them and how they live can feel smothering, which pushes them away. I see this all the time when working with mothers and daughters in retreat. It doesn’t matter if the daughter is 15 or the daughter is 40, it seems to be an issue.
True love requires us to guide our children and let go and let them live their lives, knowing that they will make mistakes and it is for their own learning. One of the biggest complaints in my mother-daughter retreats is the daughter at 40 years old, saying that the mother is still treating her like a child and criticizing her life choices.
The mother appears to be confused because she wants to be close to her daughter and can’t figure out a way. The work I do with the mother is letting go of her attachment to believing that she knows what’s best for her daughter. This scenario leads to the daughter feeling like she isn’t good enough and doesn’t know better for herself.
Even though we give birth to our children, they are their own person and at some stage of their life, usually when they become adults we have to turn their life over to them. If we don’t turn the keys over to them, they will make their own set and sever their ties with you. When your children become adults it’s important to start treating them as a peer who may or may not want your advice or input. If they want your input, they will seek it. Unfortunately, if you are trying to run their life for them they will not seek your advice.
If you would like to explore your relationship with your mother or daughter, check out my retreats. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
I just attended a weekend event called Women’s Speak and the one thing I noticed about the event was it all about helping each other rise up. Knowing that we don’t have to break someone down to get ahead, especially another woman. Having compassion for each other and ourselves as well.
Throughout my life, I noticed a huge competition going on between girls regarding friendships and then women in the workplace. There was so much fear about not getting ahead or keeping friendships that girls had to slam other girls to survive.
How can we as women support each other? Whether this support be around helping each other notice our value or just support in whatever we are doing to move our life forward.
When women feel like they need to keep other women small due to their own insecurities, it does damage to all women including themselves.
In my youth I had been on the receiving end of other girl’s insecurities, which left me feeling very much alone. I have really good friends in my life today that care about me and get excited for me when good things happen. When good things happen in your life and you aren’t able to share it with the women in your life, it might be time to explore what value those friendships have for you.
To support people in general is to help them rise above their lower self and come into their true authentic self. A few things we can do for others is be able to just show up and listen, allowing the person to know there is someone there holding space. Another thing we can do is when we see insecurities in someone, letting them know this is not who they truly are, while allowing them the space to move through all of their emotions without judgments.
In the mother daughter retreats I do, a lot of the times both the mother and the daughter are so wrapped up in getting their own needs met that there isn’t any consideration for the others feelings in the matter. If we can have compassion for our self and for others with this messy life, it will help us all move forward in a more healthy way and create a more peaceful planet.
If you would like to explore your old beliefs that keep you from rising up, check out my retreats. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
Do you think worrying serves you in a productive way?
Do you know how much you worry? Most people don’t even know that they spend a large portion of their day and worry. The way worry shows up in the body is anxiety. A good practice to get into throughout the day would be to check in with yourself to see if you have anxiety and why.
Does worrying help the outcome of situations? I have never seen a situation were worrying makes an outcome better. If anything the anxiety from worrying adds gas to the fire. Also if you are trying to enjoy yourself and you are worrying about something else it ruins the moment.
“Worrying doesn’t make things not happen, it just ruins the moments your in.”
I just got off the phone with the client and she’s a bit of a worrier and she is planning a trip away with her husband for the weekend and leaving her children. She admitted that she would probably be worrying while she’s gone. I asked her if she thought that worrying about something happening would make it not happen, and of course she said no. She will handle any situation that comes up, if something happens. Worrying about something happening doesn’t make it not happen, it just takes us out of the moment we are in and drops us into the future where something bad might happen. Might-being the optimum word here.
I’m really working with this client to slow down her mind and check in with her self many times throughout the day to see if she is anxious and if she is to see what old beliefs she is buying into.
I think that anxiety is running rampant in our society, not just an adult but with our children as well. A lot of this has to do with not accepting life as it is and always trying to figure out how to make life what we wanted to be. This would give anybody anxiety!
If you would like to explore your aniexty and see what old beliefs you are buying into, check out my retreats. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
